Live Creatively or Die

WHAT ARE THE ODDS...

2009-07-28T11:30:00.000-07:00

two beautiful new web blogs in one day...

BM to Nowhere gets two giant thumbs up!

Witty, charismatic, and slightly off. Everything I want from a cartoon =[

http://bmtonowhere.blogspot.com/2009/07/bm-to-nowhere-debut.html#comment-form

New Things Make Me Smile...

2009-07-28T08:05:00.000-07:00

and break up the tired monotony of the day =[ (handle bar mustache emoticon is one of those things).

the next is this blog:
http://bikesnobnyc.blogspot.com/

I love how he embraces his snobbery. It's kind of cute and makes me miss the east coast.

I think I'm going to go on a bike ride and yell at some dog owners myself =[

love
love
love
you

its been too long...

2009-07-27T07:33:00.000-07:00

sometimes i avoid writing on my blog...

this is a real place where lots of emotions, ideas, and wordless things get purged (believe it or not.)

that being said, i'm in week 13 of 15 of my semester. In two weeks finals will be done, i will be on a plane back east and will have a new baby sister.

just in two weeks.

do you remember when you were a kid and a school year felt like an eternity. So, much growth and change would happen in very little time. the last week of my life has been very similar to that. i've grown what feels like exponentially since last saturday.

i've been face with discord with my personal belief system what it means to be queer open and in love vs what it means to be possessive, jealous, and emotionally unstable. The latter being all things i rather not be, yet things so well indoctrinated in me.

but enough of this esoteric spiritual growth blah blah blah...

a small overview of my life right now:
getting ready to move to San Francisco with my small little queer family of two cats and my beautiful lover. My parents are really having a baby and i'm going to be a big brother once again :) I've transferred schools and will be finishing my masters degree in San Francisco :) i'll be in new york for 2 weeks in august :) and i had one of the sweetest lovemaking sessions of my entire life last night.

all and all life pretty fantastic :)

i love you. and thank you for listening to my rants raves and ridiculousness.

kellylovemonster

questioning stability

2009-06-02T23:09:00.000-07:00

to be stable (of an object) is to be firmly fixed (of a person) is to be sane.

now being that i'm neither fixed or sane truly highlights the instability of my existence.

i'm tired and i have tons to do. and all i really want to do is lay next to my lover. but even that isnt stable. he is unstable.

i understand why we work hard. because we are told to. we need to make money to live comfortably. but so many times people spend their lives making money and not living.

so there in lies the problem.

living a stable existence.

is that possible in a universe designed after entropy.

big bang, anyone.

i need to find stability in the big bang.
i need to find stability in my lover.
i need to find stability in living.

i mean entropy is cool, but you get dizzy starring at it for to long.

to be stable (of an object) is to understand you are never fixed in space (of a person) is to be insane.

that feels a little better :)
it's nice to see yourself represented in things like stability :)

currently,
exploring stability

klm

...imbalance

2009-05-11T21:38:00.000-07:00

clearly i'm surrounded by love
clearly.

i'm just a little sad you havent been paying much attention to me.
i've been trying to tell you,
but you seem tired or relax and not interested right now, which is okay,
just sad.

so i'm telling on my blog. i'm sad.
i miss you.

and tomorrow i'll probably be hung over, the alcohol helps me forget
(so melodramatic)

i'll focus on my headache for a bit, needle myself (acupuncture that is)
and focus on my retakes (damn bio science)

and keep distracted until...

i dont know when.
i love you
and i'm not going to lie, i will wait until our moons realign
mercury is not in retrograde
there isnt planets blocking my chakras or
whatever the fuck is happening astrologically and making me a crazy human being
and preventing us from communicating

:)

did i mention i feel imbalance.

comprehending comprehensive examinations

2009-04-14T23:08:00.000-07:00

1st year ends blow me...
but not really.

if that was the case i would be having a good time :)

Setting positive intentions.
I will pass all sections of my comprehensives.
I will remain sane through this process.

at least the weather blows :)
so i dont feel tempted to play in the sun.

things that make life amazing right now:
pandora, hercules and love affair station (so good)
vegan chocolate chip cookies
my boyfriend's beautiful face and encouraging words
getting my hair did :)
my cat sophie love

and i cant get this bloody song out of my head...

the lead singer looks like a lovemonster i used to make out with back in the Bruns...hot!

back to studying for me...

love
love
love
you
klm

I can almost smell it

2009-04-05T20:18:00.000-07:00

Spring Break...

Sunbathing
Drinking
Riding Bikes
Drinking some more
loving
Singing

Stretching
Working

Just Relaxing

Now...I must study acupuncture points

But here is another Blog you beautiful folks should check out
You know I love me some boys and fashion

http://mckenzieadkins.blogspot.com/

Whoever says size doesnt matter

2009-04-02T13:10:00.000-07:00

clearly hasnt slept with my partner.

good damn.

let's just "keep it real" here for a min.

If I shoved a pencil in your ass, you might find pleasure in it.
Now, if i shoved a mutant cucumber up your ass, i mean i'm talking Costco economy size feeding a family of eight cucumber, you might find pleasure in that as well ;)

but f- what you find pleasure in...
good lord was last night extraordinary.

i mean, i probably stop breathing for a little while. that big :)

but enough about my sex life...

here is a blog site for those of you who do care about size...

http://thebananablog.com/blog1/

the rest of you... i'm actually quite impressed and amazed that you dont let shallow things like size bother you :)

we all cant be saints ;)

love
love
love
you

klm

To facebook or not to facebook

2009-03-31T12:44:00.001-07:00

that is the question.

no seriously, why has everyone gone to facebook.
i mean yes, it is the new hottest thing,
but have we forgotten when facebook was totally exclusive.

i havent.
not that myspace isnt filled with loads of pretentious hipsters (myself included)

it's just
if it isnt broken why fix it.
or replace it.

and i've heard that facebook owns all the rights to your photos and information.
whatever,
i know myspace is just as horrid.

what it really comes down to is i like myspace (with all of its problems)
and i'm sad to see my friends (the people i actually know on myspace go away)

i mean cause let's be real.
having to maintain numerous amts of profile pages
that require tons of up keep can def. be a drag.

and what if your profiles begin to not correspond.
what if your myspace says your single and your facebook says your in a
relationship? what then?

whatevs.
enjoy your facebook
and i'll enjoy my myspace

how about we just hangout in real time?
maybe even call each other?

just a thought.

klm

where does the time go?

2009-03-25T11:49:00.000-07:00

seriously though.

months have flown by.
it's spring.
people are thawing off from this bitter and cold winter in socal (yes, it's true. it was absolutely frigid in southern california this winter. there were temperatures in the low 50s :) and yes my blood has thinned out :))

updates:

my bangs are growing and are covering my forehead :)
there is only 3 weeks left to my semester :)
i'm going to get a new baby brother or sister (i know, crazy right)
i got asked to model for a fresh mexican designer :)
brobot and i are going to move in together :)
gerald and i are going to move in together :)
and i'm pretty sure i'm relocating to the bay area come this fall :)

needless to say a lot has happened in the past few months.
things to look forward to:

pride in san francisco :)
pride in san diego :)
going to new york in August :)
being a license asian body therapist :)
moving in with the sweetest lovemonster ever :)

oh, and i cant wait to get naked this summer.
i'll be laying out in a skimpy bathing suit at a nude beach near you soon.
okay only at a nude beach near me, but you can join ;)

it's so nice to blog again.
love
love
love
you

klm

Transitions

2009-01-07T08:17:00.000-08:00

I'm looking forward to all the beauty and wonder 2009 will hold.

I've set some amazing intentions and I am bearing witness to changes that
are happening sooner then i've ever expected or planed.

Stay posted :)
I'll be posting pics of my recent trip to the great land of TX.
And I will also be unveiling the greatness that is my 2009 plan.

New Year Resolution #1
Be gentle with myself.

Industrial Unisex Chic

2008-12-09T19:13:00.000-08:00

Last Thursday I model for the amazing Heather Brosche in her new Gender Queer Line, Buluga.

The show took place at the Museum of Contempary Art San Diego. The runway was outside, simple in design, and juxtapose to the super industrial setting of Down Town San Diego. I believe about 10 designers in the San Diego area were highlighted and Buluga was the only line that had male models.

The show's theme was recycled fashion. Heather used vintage fabrics to create Buluga. In true DIY fashion she thrifted her materials, found materials laying around her home, and died the fabrics herself using RIT dye. When asked what the inspiration for her line was Heather responded, "Industrial Unisex Chic."

So, I know everyone is really curious about how i felt strutting my stuff with about 30 other women.

The answer:
Absolutely Fabulous!

I got to model beside another beautiful male model :)
Ari you amaze me :)

Here are some photos from the show.
Love
Love
Love
klm

The designer herself, Heather Brosche

Funny Birthday Present

2008-12-02T21:53:00.000-08:00

AIM IM.
5/9/07, 8:37 PM
hey lady
how are you?
awww
hey!
i'm relaxing
sounds nice
i'm a horn dog this time of night, but i'm shoving all that sex into a paper
on bob ross
love him
how are you?
i'm well
i can relate with being a horn ball this time of night
i'm currently contemplating the idea of being polyamorous
it seems more honest
what does your boyfriend think?
no boyfriend
oh

well then aren't you polyamorous already?
yes
8:40 PM
hahahahaa
i guess i was thinking about being polyamorous and exclusive
if that makes sense
i'm interested in a pair of people
right now
the three of us have really good chemistry
i was wondering if i could be with both of them intimately
i mean i know i can
but if it would really work
exclusive was the wrong word to us
i wouldnt be exclusive to them
oh i see what you mean
are they in NJ?
or cali?
NJ
ohwe
well give it a shot!
it seems it could only be an experiment
yeah
so what excactly is going on for tomorrow
i'm i going to see you
are you still having a studio shindig
yeah you should definitely come
i'll be showing some videos i made and a few things
8:45 PM
not a lot of stuff, but i can show you more work i've been doing (special behind the scenes tour)
the other kids in my program will be showing stuff too
so a lot of art and liquor
sounds good
where is this taking place
25 east 13th street
the union square stop
cool
yeah, it should be great fun
will you come in and stay with steff?
well i didnt discuss that with her
i dont know if she would be comfortable with me staying with her
bah she loves you
or you can stay with me
i
i hope we call hang out when it's over
maybe i can do your portrait in the very least
well i'm coming to ny to hang out with you
so we better
how long can you hang?
hopefully all night
what's the last train back?
something i'm probably going to have to miss
i'm either going to have to leave early in the morning
like at 7
or i will miss work completely and hang in nyc
what is your friday like
8:50 PM
do you work
i have a long day of critiques all day on friday
for the second year students -- so none of our own work
but if you're able to miss, then you should stay with me, we'll do your portrait on thursday night, and you'll be free on friday to do whatever
i can meet up with you and stefanie again after crits
or you can head home
or whatever
it all sounds good
but i'd hate to only see you a few hours
i'm going to have to agree
our first encounter
was such a tease
what time do the festivites start tomorrow
six!
cool
6 - 8
so short
yeah that is short
thank goodness
haha
light refreshments
it gets old fast
yeah
wine, beer
i'll be a little tipsy
awesome
i'll probably be very tipsy
drinking on the train?
i have the tolerance of an 8 year old girl
it doesnt take much
haha
me too
and the gut of an irish dude
so i drink a little
and i don't get hungover
or sick
i tell people i'm the cheapest date around : )
so weird
8:55 PM
i was typing the same thing
on this side of the computer
people say i'm a cheap date

hahahaha
then stay in NJ
or you'll take my beaus
cheap in some ways, i always say
i'm sure i'm no threat to your many beaus
hahahahaha

youre a pretty fly lady
you have nothing to worry about
oh you say that to all the competition
right before you put them out of business
you're like barnes and noble
and i'm a bookstore on the corner
or better starbucks
hahahahaha
so will there be hot queer eligible people there
maybe
besides us?
doubtful
where are all the queer artists and intellects hanging these days
are they a dying breed
i think they are
and when they couple off, they hide
you would think the city of ny would be swarming with them
they know better than to be seen
i know
most just think they think
9:00 PM
thats trippy
thinking that you think
isnt that thinking
new thought
is there a particular reason you dont currently have a partner of sorts
your vibrations via the computer lead me to believe you are a good catch
it is thinking, but it's a kind of thinking that isn't thinking crtiically
not that it matters that much
ah
well i've never had a partner
in orlando no one was good and i didn't realize i was playing a game
the game
yes
in new york a lot of guys are alright and i know i'm playing a game
i knowit well
the "trap door" of all these interactions is sex
not that i participate
which is nice and still novel for me
but i guess the reason would be that i'm not looking in the right places
or that i've never met anyone who could challenge me by loving me
which is all -- and everything -- i want : )
haha
you are a lovemonster
i know : )
if you ever feel i'm over stepping my boundaries just let me know
i guess lots ofquestions
9:05 PM
i ask that is
lots of questions
i think it is a good excercise in living
no i like questions
may i ask you what the last person you dated or were interacting withwas like
i will ask some myself sometime when i'm not writing for school in another window
sorry
don't be
you're a pleasant distraction

thanks
and not merely a distraction
a kind of angel in the corner of the computer
haha
a beautiful black bald angel?
which is the only kind of angel
so just an angel
: )
hahah

the last guy i dated
was a brilliant dude
art history major at columbia
younger by two years, very giving
very sweet
but a boy
he never disagreed with anything i said
i've been thinking that it's important
do you mean he didnt have his own opinions
exactly
9:10 PM
well he probably admired you greatly
not to defend him
he did. and i thought that was beautiful but also impossible.
because that meant that he would eventually resent me
for being human
yes
i understand that
very well
too well actually
yeah
you have a charisma
it must have the same
thank you
effect
do you like flowers
?
and if yes
what types?
i really like flowers
and i always feel people dont get me flowers because i'm socially gendered male
i love flowers
yeah
those people don't understand flowers
or men
haha
my favorite is the gardenia
sicksweet and palest white against those glossy green leaves
and if you touch it, it browns almost instantly
do you like the fleetingness of a gardenia
the mortality of it
its ephermerality is so beautiful to me
yeah
and its lingering qualities
the ghost of its smell
that was pretty
i'm going to write that down
really
9:15 PM
that's beautiful to me : )
do you know the song dos gardenias
it's the word "ghost" maybe
what is your favorite flower?
no!
i want to hear it someday : )
it's by the buena vista social club
it's in spanish
it's a love song
very pretty
my favorite flower is kind of corny
not as romantic as a gardenia
it's the sunflower
haha
i pegged you as a daisy
close though
reallly a daisy
may i ask why
do i come off as dainty
hahah
it is free
and it is open
i do love free art and booze
makes sense

9:20 PM
so bob ross
?
free and open bars
haha
i love bob
i write about him in relationship to democracy
he's like -- democratizing art by putting it on tv
better than warhol
and more kind somehow
haha
i can see that
but do you enjoy his art
i see his life as his art
and that i enjoy a lot
good answer
L)

9:25 PM
i was always hesitant to his television show but i must say that i agree with you completely
bob made art acessible
accessible
you didn't like the show?
it bored a lot of people
yeah
calmed them : )
i was bored
but now i think that's television in general
i think tv numbs you
there was something about the combination of art and television that didnt work for me at the time
esp.
i felt even more removed
but bob ross is completely valid
in his artistic existence
i can appreciate the idea of bob ross
comodifying him though not to much
9:30 PM
i think the tv thing is something that always will bother me
even making video art feels too removed from reality
the commodification is so awful
his company is evil
it changed when he died
they took him over
yeah they did
okay lady i'm going to let you continue your master piece of a paper
9:35 PM
i must work early in the morning
have a beautiful night
thanks for staying up
and letting me be scattered
i can't wait to see you
the feeling is mutual
hopefully the offer still stands for me to possibly stay with you tomorrow
yeah definitely!
you have friends here
thanks
bon nuit
bon soir mon cher
abientot

narcissism at its absolute best

2008-11-29T22:02:00.000-08:00

no really... i think Mikel Marton is a complete narcissist and genius.

beautiful, queer, intelligent, provocative are all words that describe the work you will find on his blog
and website.

bois grab a sock for this one ;)

and mikel loves taking photographs of himself.
i mean, i would too if my dick was the size of his. No really, check out his dick, huge!

i look forward to watching his body of work grow ;)

my last days...

2008-11-19T22:09:00.000-08:00

thoughts on my last days at the ripe age of 24...

24 is fun :)
i realize life is about taking chances.
and experiencing.

24 years of lovemonstering.

i fell in love several times in the last 24 yrs.
i look forward to falling in love several more times.

24 years has taught me that being exposed can be beautiful
live as an example.
take off your clothes
eat that last piece of chocolate cake.

24 yrs has taught me to be confident in me.
i'm beautiful.

24 yrs has taught me dreams can come true.
i can manifest my dreams :)

24 yrs has showed me being present is the best thing
i can do for someone else and myself.

i look forward to 25.
my mid twenties.

love
love
love
klm

a new era has begun

2008-11-05T12:40:00.000-08:00

congratulations everyone!

we have a new president :) and not only is he articulate, handsome, and intelligent, he's also a black man!

finally i can begin to see myself represented in this country.
and not only does president elect barack obabma represent the black community,
he represents the young, the marginalized, the underprivileged, the forgotten, just to name a few.

"change is going to come"

"yes we can"

absolute genius.

unfortunately there is some bad news :(
prop 8 went through in the state of california.

and now us queers cant get married anymore.
not only can we not get married anymore, but this will now go down in history as a moment when civil rights were taken away from a group of people.

the rode to salvation isnt going to be easy.
freedom needs to be fought for.
we as a community need to continue and be active, write letters, protest, write songs, make performance pieces, and educate educate educate our fellow human.

lovemonsters
dont forget love is the key.
lets love each other.
through love
great change can occur.
i love you.

klm

in the great words of ET

2008-11-04T10:39:00.000-08:00

my bff in nj had a wonderful gmail away message
it read...

bitch may be the new black, but black is the new president, bitch!
-eric t.

man i love that kid :)

love
love
love
klm

timing is everything

2008-10-28T13:36:00.000-07:00

do you remember how we talked about me giving you a blow job in bed, then i immediately asked how your girlfriend was?

yeah, that was pretty funny.

you remind me of the boys i dated in my undergrad career.
dark mysterious and so very cute.

but dangerous.

i guess thats part of the the allure.
the danger of our relationship. or at least the perceived danger. because when i think about it its not really all that dangerous. just complicated.

i did tell myself i wasnt going to date another straight man.
but i shouldve known myself better. i love breaking the rules. esp. the ones i make up.

and last night you woke me up with a stiff dick pressed against my back arms wrapped around me tightly.

i thought it was super sexy how turned on you were. I thought it was super sexy how fast you came. But i really did think it was super sexy.

and in the morning when i left you still asleep in my bed i thought that was super sexy as well.

let's do laundry together soon and drink root beer floats.

love
love
love
klm

i cant sleep once again

2008-10-13T23:41:00.000-07:00

i had a really important conversation with alvina today :)
it was about passion.

as i proceed through my program i ask myself constantly, "are you passionate about TCM?"

my answer is always wordy and complicated but never simply yes.
morally, i guess this makes me a bad person.
i mean, someone else can be in my position who truly has a passion for this medicine.

but, thankfully my moralistic belief system isnt so self-deprecating.
TCM is more of a means to an end.

i have a bigger picture in mind :)
and i'm not going to lie its pretty fierce.

so what really is keeping me up?
i've been feeling lonely.

i know hard to believe.
i surround myself with some of the brightest and most beautiful people
this city has to offer and i feel lonely.

what this program is doing to me is consuming my time.
thus not allowing me to truly enjoy moments like a usually do.
thus leaving me feeling lonely. or at least in the presence of my towering stake of books.

i struggle with balance.
i find the only way i can be successful at this medicine is to submerge myself in it.
but i'm hydrophobic and prone to drowning.

i need help staying a float.
i need to be reminded that i'm missed.

it's hard to watch the world move forward seemingly without you.

i mean, i'm partially rational, understanding this is only temporary.
but i like the world have multiple truths and i am completely irrational.

i want to still feel present.
i want to still feel apart of the motion of everyday life.

i want to lay in bed with a boy.
in particular my partner.
but he's busy too right now

so, i'll go to bed alone.
or at least just lie there.

i ask i am self deprecating.

klm

the poltics of myspace

2008-10-04T18:14:00.000-07:00

so, i know the politics of myspace arent suppose to count for anything, right?
it's not like anyone on myspace is real or anything (social commentary on the not so real sharings people share on myspace.)

but then why is it that knowing you deleted me all together from your myspace is driving me utterly insane.

i mean perhaps your computer got a virus and deleted your myspace.

or perhaps your dog ate your myspace.

or perhaps your girlfriend got so jealous she made you delete your myspace (or perhaps just me.)

well whatever it was, i really dont get.
i mean, i wish we ended on bad terms because then i could at least rationalize your logic, but when we last talk we were good (in fact, we were great.)

but perhaps i was being absolutely delusional about the state of our dynamic lovelady.

all i know is that today, as i was doing my usual rounds of myspace stalking i found your profile again.

not only did i find your profile, it look exactly the way it did last year when it surprisingly disappeared.

the only thing different was that i wasnt your friend anymore.

if you wanted to "break up" with me a simple phone call or an email or even a fucking myspace comment would have sufficed.

i sent you an email days ago.
still no reply.
i get it.
your done.
i'm done.
we are done.

and it doesnt work like that for me.
i just dont sever relationships.

relationships evolve.
even if that evolution means i see and talk less to you.

i guess what hurts the most is that i still love you.
even after a year of not hearing from you.

perhaps i'm being over dramatic.
perhaps i should just friend request you again.

sometimes i want to simply delete my profile and not have to worry about the
fickle world that is myspace.

but myspace is evolving into a language of its own.
its a space where we can all express our moods, thoughts, and desires.

so maybe i just need to send you a friend request.

love
love
love

klm

I know I'm late on this but

2008-10-03T14:00:00.000-07:00

god damn these boys are fine!

luigiyluca

A duo like this is very rare.
I give luciyluca two giant thumbs up.

Their work is queer, thoughtful, and oh so sexy.
But dont take my word for it visit their site lovemonsters and
be prepared to be aroused :)

love
love
love

klm

a very bay weekend

2008-09-29T13:06:00.000-07:00

i have good news and bad news.

the bad news is that i left my digital camera at home this weekend so, this blog entry will have no photographs to accompany it :(

the good news is that i spent the weekend in the bay and had a kick ass good time :)

highlights

i went to two conferences. Arse Elektronica, where yours truly and the beautiful DJ Lotus gave a talk about entitled Radical Porn, Intercourse between Fantasy and Reality. Also, i attained Critical Resistance 10 this year. Talk about organized. I give all the speakers and organizers infinite amounts of props for how wonderfully amazing and great CR10 was this year.

i attained Folsum Street Fair :) Talk about wild.
Image that sums up the whole fair. As i walked topless down Folsum street with my hot also topless twink friend, i look to my left and in a window right on Folsum Street I watched a man give another man with a very large penis a blow job in broad daylight :) Needless to say it was all very hot!

i hung out with the wonderful LDub in Berkeley drinking beers at albatross. Brunching at Saul's. And shopping on Telegraph :) I attained the how berkeley can you be parade with Miguel and Lady and saw topless Berkeley residents and wonderful "burning man-esque art cars.

i hung out in the mission, had an eccentric cab driver take me and my grrrls to the castro, and drank gin and tonics until my eyes began to cross.

i laughed, danced, and cried a little even.

and thats the half of it.

Thank you for all the kids that made my bay experience totally out of this world. I look forward to being in all your energies again sooner than later. Perhaps even permanently :)

love
love
love
klm

setting an intention

2008-09-22T08:02:00.000-07:00

i usually blog late in the evening hours after the stress of my everyday existence have penetrated my energetic field, and i'm left beaten and broken down.

so, in an attempt to break the sad cycle of depressing over dramatic blog entries i've most recently have, i'm blogging at the start of my day :)

i'm not going to lie, i had a phenomenal weekend. If it wasnt for this flippin graduate program my life would be filled with socal sunshine and a lot more binge drinking :)

But this weekend was just that! It was san diego street scene. and i got to rock out with my cock in my pants, but fully erect and ready :)

some highlights of sd street scene were
TV on the Radio
Diplo
Cat Power
Cold War Kids
Devo
Atmosphere
MGMT
Justice
Tegan and Sarah

A beautiful weekend with some great friends and some new friends that i love and some of the sweetest music to grace my ears. life cant be all that bad :)

here's some pics of the weekend.

so, today is going to be a great day.
i'm going to go to school.
get school work done.
get sis work done.
and then go to bed :)

thanks for being so supportive interweb.
your the best boifriend a boi could ever ask for.

love
love
love
klm

Ebay

2008-09-21T23:33:00.000-07:00

in an attempt to simplify my life, ive started an ebay store.

little did i know this process was going to be more time consuming then i had planned.

that being said it is close to midnight; i've done none of my homework; i have two separate ebay accounts that i'm having trouble merging; and i'm exhausted.

bahhh!

i'm going to bed now.
i unfortunatly cannot handle the maddness which is my existence right now.

goodnight

love

klm

thoughts on 1:07am

2008-09-16T01:07:00.000-07:00

i'm a little gassy and can really go for a sprite.

i'm up doing my points homework.
my eyes are starting to cross.
it's not so bad i guess.
i could be studying anatomy instead.
oh wait, i have to do that once i'm done with this.

rant
rant
rant
rave
rave
rave

ever have one of those days where you feel like no matter how hard you try to catch up you cant.

whats with those days?

i think perhaps this whole mercury in retrograde my have something to do with my chakras aligning all types of funky.

is fashion week over?
i wish i was home in nyc pretending to be a model at some exclusive event.

i would be having fun at least.

i want to go to sleep with my boyfriend.

gosh, why am i so extremely needy. i'm like a prepubescent 12 yr old grrrl.
me
me
me
me me!

i'm kind of over myself right now.

goodnight.

klm

queering da band

2008-09-09T22:14:00.000-07:00

some queer ass beats for you peeps.
this is how me and my grrrls do!

zoe looks so cute, all sleeping in the foreground...

love
love
love
klm

sweat & glitter under the stars a summer drag and burlesque show

2008-09-09T11:36:00.000-07:00

sorry for the delay.
my internet connection has been so unreliable most recently.

now, this weekend was fierce!
nothing like a hot sexy drag burlesque show to get the blood pumping (straight to your dick and clitoris that is.)
hosted by the one and only krylon surperstar and produced by some of the queerest lovemonsters on the block /SIS

anyway, the photos are pretty much XXX so i'm only going to show you some of the modest ones :)

the performances were absolutely amazing.
there is video soon to come.

love
love
love
you
klm

Labor Day was

2008-09-02T00:16:00.000-07:00

pretty much the bomb diggity!

i love my flippin friends!

it started off a little early (last night @ Universal to be exact)
and i've been drunk for the last 27 hours :)

and today was pretty much the shit.

thanks lovemonsters for a kick ass bbq

thanks for some kick ass queer beats

and thanks for all the love

love
love
love
you
klm

Queer Faggot Art Shit

2008-08-31T09:49:00.000-07:00

In the vein of making this blog that much more queer
I figure I should start taking stills and videos from my life
and posting them on the site.
I mean, come on, there really isnt anything more faggoty then my life right now :0

The Rubber Rose Gallery will truly be missed
This is the flyer for the event.
I should say that is me modeling in the flyer :)
And I also photographed this super fun photo shoot.
Creatively Directed by no other than San Diego's own
Krylon SuperStar.

Some beautiful people were there

Some bands played
Vaginals

Knives

And the piece that left everyone talking the rest of the night:
baby want some ass milk: a performance piece by krylon superstar

love
love
love
the
ruber
rose
and
you
all

klm

the longest saturday that ever existed in life

2008-08-27T23:41:00.000-07:00

so i had a super long saturday.
for real for real.

coronado in the am with christine (love that grrrl)
eating and drinking on the beach

saul williams in the early pm (and i swear he was checking me out)

la familia fashion show in the later pm (walking the cat walk)

and booty basement as the after party (getting down with my home grrrls)

well unfortunately it came to me to start documenting my super long day around the time of the fashion show...so, here are some behind the scenes pics of what goes down...behind the scenes that is...and some more pics of me and my grrrls getting down.
love
love
love
your
flippin
face

klm

why i love you

2008-08-19T01:35:00.000-07:00

tonight while i lay in my bed (alone mind you)
my lover lays blissfully next to his life partner

some might say, "damn grrrl he's trifling!"
but i say he's a complete lovemonster and is doing what lovemonsters do best, love.

my roommate lays cuddled up with her partner. a term that she hasnt begun to use yet but i feel comfortable projecting onto their growing relationship.

my best friend lays with the celibate man she used to want to make babies with and still has a deep rooted energetic connection with in my living room

and i am here alone.

but thats just the thing, i'm not alone.
a lovemonster is never without love
because there is plenty of love in the number one and my right hand :)

i know. i'm so dirty.

but really, as i venture through this life my spirit is reminded that love
is more than having your partner lay in bed besides you every night (i mean, thats nice and if i could have it my way right away, i probably would choose that option. i mean, i am human people.)

but back on that deep real tip,
love goes beyond proximity.

love fills us when are bodies are pressed tight up against each other.
love fills the spaces when our bodies separate after we make love.
love fills the spaces as i lie here in my bed. i close my eyes and i feel love.
i feel him. i feel his love.

and thats why i love you.

klm

why is mongoamy not for queers?

2008-08-15T14:44:00.000-07:00

love this definition:

monogamy: 3. (zoology) the habit of having only one mate at a time

so, in my research and just day-to-day experience with the folks who proclaim monogamy, i see large flaws in this concept. i couldnt see how and why any good queer would describe themselves as being monogamous even if they were in a full-time committed sexually exclusive relationship with only one other being.

monogamy: 1. the practice or state of being married to one person at a time.

if your queer and dating the same sex you already fall out of this definition. no matter how much you and your partner protest you fit into monogamy more like in definition 3. And may i add, you are only seen as spectacles, confused zoo animals that need to be re-caged so you can properly mate :)

now, definition 2. monogamy: the practice or state of having a sexual relationship with only one partner.

now, what is sex exactly? is sex the thing men and women do to have babies? then again you faggots are left out. is it sex if "he" puts "it" in "she's" ass? scandalous! is it sex if she puts on her harness straps in her dildo and fucks his ass until he screams her name from sheer ecstasy?

i really could go on and on, but i think your with me.

intimacy a simple word, filled with lots of depth.
but this blog isnt about intimacy its about monogamy.

now, being that sex is an elusive word that really says a lot of nothing about the situation definition 2 begins to fall short.

but this blog is becoming a thesis proposal and not a cute quirky blurb on why monogamy is not for queers so i think i'll stop now.

klm

Jihad for Love

2008-08-08T23:40:00.000-07:00

not that you should run out and see every single movie i suggest,
but you really should run out and see these movies ASAP!

Jihad for Love
Trembling before God
The Bubble
and
The Incredible True Story of Two Girls in Love

the last one is a little cheese, but whatevs.

no but really
i'm move

love
love
love
klm

Live Life on Purpose

2008-08-08T09:52:00.000-07:00

and not on accident
these were the inspirational words of the fabulous krylon superstar (if you are unaware of who kry is google him)

last night as we all congregated around coconut curry tofu, beers and white wine
wisdom was shared

it was as if our combined energies allowed us to tap into our collective unconscious and extract pools of knowledge that is usually hard for an individual to hold and process alone.

so what was this inspirational knowledge that was bestowed upon five queer bodies in one queer living room, it was that life's truths are multiple and that love is inspirational light that can be found in the darkest of places.

love and light are my truths.
i seek for those who share similar truths to coexist with me in this truth.
and for those who do not, you and your truths are just as valid.

just stay the hell away from me :)

peace
light
love
monsterness

klm

jet setting

2008-07-23T09:49:00.000-07:00

just returned from the dominican republic.
exhausted.

i told mom about the love of my life.
i mean it only took me like 6 months.
she still thinks i'm going through a phase.
i laughed.
but politely of course.

i drank
i ate
i partied
and even while i was trying to be low key
men still flocked to me.

i've cultivated my queer energy.
queer vibrations emanate from my pores.
the men look
then smile
and i look away.
they approach.

i was hanging out with my mother.
not cruising people.
i was trying to downplay my queerness and even still
the men came.

hopefully she noticed.

burn duh duh burn burn burn!!!

2008-06-18T09:07:00.000-07:00

so,

this morning i excitedly went to the posst office to pick up a certified package that arrived in the mail for me.

I couldnt for the life of me think of what it could be. I didnt order any new didldos or warming lube recently. Perhaps a gift from Eric, who is traveling around India.

when the woman behind the counter brought back a large envelope i couldnt help but smile really big. a part of me secretly new what she had just handed me. but i dare not say it for fear of jinxing myself.

i calmly thanked her walked about 10 ft away from the counter and started frantically opening up the envelope. And what awaited me was my golden ticket.

I AM GOING TO BURNING MAN 2008!!!

I'm so flippin excited.

does anyone no where i can buy bulk body paint?

love
love
love
love
love
you
all

kellylovemonster

okay i miss you

2008-06-10T23:21:00.000-07:00

its only been 6days and i miss you tremendously.

i'm ridiculous.

i'm in love.

how this all happen i cant even begin to recall. no, i do remember we were partially dress doing a sexy photoshoot. i had to think about elderly woman just to keep my erection down.

but anyway here i am sitting at my computer typing about you. closing my eyes and remembering your face.

remembering how you smell.
going to your apartment everyday to feed your cat.

yeah, i get to do all the fun things while your gone like clean the litter box, collect your mail, and feed your cat. and surprisingly all the latter activities make me feel closer to you. like you are right beside me commenting on how that big piece of poo came out of her little bum.

yes picking up cat poo brings me closer to you.
what can i say, i'm a hopeless romantic.

i'm just a regular kid, i swear

2008-06-01T09:53:00.000-07:00

but i'm also a regular kid in the june issue of rolling stone, italy.

what the frock!

i can't believe this little queer black boi from northbergen, nj is
paving the way for queer culture. At least thats what rolling stone thinks :)

my life has become so surreal lately. i dont know how things happen.
thats a lie i do know. i manifest things. thats so like the secret or something, right. that's funny.

as the sun returns to sunny socal, i begin to remember exactly why i wanted to come
to california. to find love, to find lovemonsters, to find a queer community, to find
me. now, i havent found me persay but i've found a comfortable way of existing to allow myself to find me.

i'm allowing myself all the things i thought i didnt deserve before.
i am worthy of beautiful love. and i participate in it everyday. i get to sleep next to it. i get to eat with it and kiss it on a regular basis.

i'm worthy of knowledge.
i'm worthy of artistic expressions.
i'm worthy of experience.

that being said, i also just finish doing a series of performances pieces for the museum of contemporary art san diego. what the? crazy right. i know. i feel like its crazy.

it's in all of us
tap into your lovemonster energy
use it to manifest everything you deserve

love
klm

aromatherapy 101

2008-05-12T21:52:00.000-07:00

ylang ylang ;)

get those juices flowing people.

love
love
love

homesick

2008-05-10T22:47:00.000-07:00

i rarely feel this twisting stomach distention urgh to burst out in tears of longing for people for a time that is not here not right now craving to lay next to you and you and you missing moments of life in another state.

you wanna be on top

2008-05-08T00:40:00.000-07:00

tonight i watched 6 straight episodes of americas next top model.
sick!
but oh so good

conducting a queer? relationship 101

2008-04-30T21:15:00.000-07:00

i'm sitting on my bed. thinking about you in relation to me as my neighbors fuck their brains out.

god damn she moans loud.
i moan loud.

you make these cute faces when we fuck.
it's like it's your first time every time we do it.

i can't help but moan. i mean your dick is huge!
i struggle everyday about how i should be in love with you.

i miss you when you are not around. so hetero, right?
but, i really do miss you.

i want to have that foursome. i think it would be really hot.
i want to watch you fuck. that's not hetero, right?

balancing out my feelings and making sure they remain queer is so hard.
i love you. i mean, it took me two months just to tell you that.
i was afraid you would be overwhelmed by that phrase and leave me.

okay, i didnt think you would leave me. I just thought you would be really turn off and our dynamic would be set back 3 months and we would be in the negatives because we had only been together for 2 months and i would have to blow you so many times just to get back in the positives.

i guess it's pretty queer of me to write about you.
or is it hetero?
isn't this what girls do when they're in love.
they tell all their girl friends he's the one.
and at the wedding reception my best man, Natalia of course, stands up and tells the story about how after our first date i called her and told her you were the one.
we all laugh, we intertwine our glasses in front of the wedding cake that has two men on top (so cute) and sip out of our champagne glasses. we smile for the photo-op starring into each others eyes. 1,2,3, say cheese. the light flashes and i want a divorce.

i think it's ridiculous that the only model i have to work with is the one that says you are the one. and if you are the one, i mean "the one" i wouldn't know it because i'm so fucked by indoctrinations of heterosexual love, which i clearly reject.

so how does when conduct a queer relationship?
isn't that clever how i tied in the title?

answer: i don't know

i like sleeping next to you.
i don't mind that you like having the fan on while we sleep because i know it brings you comfort. and that brings me comfort.
i don't even mind when you fart. and yes, i have counted the number of times you've farted in front of me. and i've counted the number of times you've said i love you. and i know where we went on our first date, the first time we had sex, the last time we had sex.

i also know that i can't wait to have that foursome. i love going out on dates with you and your roommate. i love watching you stare at other boys with desire. i love that we are not boyfriends. i love that i can tell you how i like to be fuck. i love when you talk about queer theory.

god damn she moans loud.

things i dont appreciate

2008-04-01T20:31:00.001-07:00

spam on blogger.
what the f?*k is that about? really?

the inter-web is getting out of control.

can't a being divulge self in peace anymore.

things i do appreciate though.
having hot passionate sex with my new lover.
g*d damn it's good ;)

Hotel Rwanda

2008-03-25T01:37:00.000-07:00

Not that i want this blog to become some queer hipster movie review, but i did just watch hotel rwanda (off of my netflix queue of course.) Needless to say it just rocked my world.

I have to constantly remind myself that we as a people and culture are not there yet.
Racism still exist.
Genocide still happens.
Patriarchy and Capitalism is still in fashion.

Today at my "wonderful school" (extreme sarcasm being used) I insisted that practitioners asked their patients for their gender identities (instead of assuming and filling in a patients gender for them) just like they ask them for there age and chief complaint. I was responded to with laugher and confusion.

"Really Kelly? I mean you can tell a boy from a girl right? It would be so awkward asking someone for their gender identity?"

What would be even more awkward would be assuming the wrong gender identity for someone.

I'm tired. Watch Hotel Rwanda. It's sad, and it's an important film.
Love is a revolution.

klm

untitled blog # D319

2008-03-10T02:00:00.000-07:00

tonight i watch the film the incredible true adventure of 2 girls in love.

i must be a very well indoctrinated young man because after watching that film i wanted nothing more to be one of those two girls. wait, i guess the latter statement was pretty damn queer. i'm still okay.

but for real though. i'm finding myself looking at old photographs of the men and women i've loved throughout my existence. each with their own story. but one still resonates with me unlike all the rest.

fantasies are fun. in this fantasy we are both women :)
we have just open our eyes from an incredible night of sensual sticky sex and your mother opens her bedroom door to discover us laying there embraced. we take off in a frenzy of fear. you tell me you will love me forever repeatedly, and we stay frozen in embrace as the credits begin to role.

our reality on the other hand is that we are both men. we live hundreds of miles away from each other. and we havent talked in months. how is it that i still love you?

and i can help but feel that you love me.

this is so twisted gross and heteronormative.

reality check.
1. this isnt a movie
2. you like

i'm not going to lie. i'm not ready for a reality check.
i rather live in a world of fantasy. a place where you do love me in this really straight way.

some would argue i'm regressing, and i'm comfortable with that criticism.
i'm a lovemonster and that makes me complicated.

i'll see you on the seventh plane love.

klm

black power

2008-02-27T22:46:00.000-08:00

as i sit here in my cute and posh little artsy fartsy apartment in san diego, ca i give thanks to all the beautiful black freedom fighters who came before me.

without you there is no me.

thank you dr. rev. martin luther king jr.
thank you rosa parks
thank you black panthers
thank you langston hughes
thank you james baldwin
thank you malcom x
thank you harlem
thank you civil rights
thank you to every black individual who knew and believed that they were worth love and respect
thank you to my mother and father who knew they were not slaves but truly children of the world and of a higher creative energy
thank you Africa for giving birth to a people who are place on this earth to show that love, compassion, and equality belongs to all people
thank you South African Freedom Fighters
thank you nelson mendela
thank you harriet tubman
thank you to all the black artists, musicians, poets, and creative beings who expressed freedom, truth, and love in a multitude of ways that would resonate with all of human kind
thank you my black brothers
thank you my black sisters

i really do get it.
black is beautiful
black is light
black is justice
black is strength
black is freedom
black is respect
black is who i am

love
klm

i'm falling

2008-02-20T00:32:00.000-08:00

what can i say i'm a lovemonster and i've met another lovemonster who rocks my socks.
:)

How do you know if you're on a date?

2008-02-11T01:08:00.000-08:00

If he puts your hands on his lap and leaves them there, it's a date.

love
love
love

klm

TNT

2008-02-08T00:22:00.000-08:00

so tonight i went to tnt at the museum of contempary art san diego (better know as the MOCA here in the whales vagina.)

i had a good time :)

i hung out with beautiful queer men and felt good.

yes and these men understood what the term queer meant.

love
love
love
you
all

klm

Boarder Control

2008-01-30T11:30:00.000-08:00

the following blog never made it to publication until tonight. enjoy.

The following events happened on January 29, 2008

so last night my friends and i decided it was extremely urgent for us to take a trip to mexico. starting feb. 1, you will need a passport to cross the mexican border line from san diego.

for all you beautiful east coast kids until recently all one needed to cross the boarder was a photo id, i.e. drivers license.

pre-mexico banter:

"be careful kelly there is a drug war happening in mexico. they are slaugtering people by the group full right in the middle of the streets."
"only cary small bills."
"never use your atm because you wont get it back."
"don't make eyecontact and you will be fine."
"hide an extra five dollars in your sock."

why are we going to mexico again? oh yeah because we can.

so after a 24 hour build of the dos and donts of "TJ" we headed off on our mini road trip.

oh i forgot one "noone actually drives across the boarder K."
after pre gaming in the car we began stumbling towards the mexican boarder.
crossing the boarder to mexico took all of 5 mins and noone even once asked us for id. once in mexico we took a cab over to our beloved destination.

the music was bumping when we arrived. we were naturally stoked because part of us speculated that "TJ" would be dead. It was tuesday after all.

we climbed the stairs only to find the only bodies in the bar were the people who worked there.

okay, who needs a drink?

3 shots and one JD later i found myself bumping and grinding to 80s music (that we requested of course) with my beautiful friends.

After dancing our hearts out to depeche mode we built up an appetite. the only thing that would sedate our growing hunger would be some TJ tacos of course.

After a long drunken walk down revolution st. pass sex workers, drunks, and all the other beautiful night owls we found the supposedly best late night tacqueria in tj. one beer and a cheese and avocado quesadilla later i found myself stumble back to the american border.

Once we made it to the border we were kindly (and by kindly i mean rudely) greeted by homeland security. After a mild interrogation and pamphlet they let us all cross back to the US side.

The pamphlet was a kind remainder that after feb. 1st drunken nights like this one will be a little harder.

Anyway, thank you beautiful friends for a drunken beautiful time.
love
love
love
klm

on an intimate level

2008-01-23T01:01:00.000-08:00

today i tried to connect to you on an intimate level and you left me feeling void.

i mean the sex was good, but that part about not wanting to cum because you are practicing tantric rituals was a little bit far fetch. you might has well told me you had to wash your hair.

in fact my deepest connection today was a fleeting one with a man who's eyes were so deep i felt myself drowning, loosing my breath, and not wanting to be save by anyone. And all he did was shake my hand.

i mean you had my dick in your mouth.

so what are the cosmos trying to teach me tonight? this night of a bright and full moon that has thrust my libido into overdrive and has me fucking myself with various sex toys. i'm not to sure...

i have tons of people who love me and who made large attempts to connect with me tonight. Thank you.

But in my lust, i mean sheer horniness i was searching for more tonight. Only forgetting that i had cam 1000 times today with one hand shake.

how fast i reload.

klm

Organization Is Key

2008-01-14T22:55:00.000-08:00

2008 marks the year of transition.

we will all be affected by this movement of universal qi.
as i ride the wave of cosmic momentum, i'm trying to stay balance upon my board of life. my metaphor may be a little trite, but this is my blog so deal :)

no but for real, you feel that right.

i dont know if it was my last reiki attunement or something but i've been feeling crazy vibrational forces. as i manifest more art, more love, greater knowledge, and greater financial stability in the new year i need to find ways to keep myself organized and balanced.

i'm a lovemonster so i naturally want to wear as many hats as a can, but that ambition may come with the result of straining myself. that's not cool.

so, i'm allowing myself to take time for me. allowing myself to be selfish and relax and enjoy the beautiful southern californian sun. allowing myself to buy something pretty for its temperal affects of making me happy now.

on a side note,
i feel extremely blessed today.
i've had wonderful conversations with lovemonsters across the country.
and experienced love that was so fulfilling that it made today make complete sense.

thank you
michalovemonster
gennatladylove
laurenladylove
alexislovelady
dannylovemonster
loralovemonster
papalovemonster
alexloveladylove
ericlovelady

for making today so beautiful and bright
love
love
love

final thoughts on the year that is about to pass

2007-12-31T09:01:00.000-08:00

yeah i mean it was good.

i live in southern california.
i have a beautiful roommate.
my best friends fly into town every other week.
i'm in graduate school.
i have a pretty rad job.
i made beautiful arting friends in socal.
i feel loved.
i am loved.
i'm a pornstar.

for these things i am greatful.

i love you lovemonsters of the world.
remember love is a revolution that will not be televised.
get out there and connect, art, love.

have a safe and healthy new year.

love
love
love
klm

G&T part deux

2007-12-27T01:29:00.000-08:00

so,
i happy to know that commitment means something to you.
because if we were together i would want you to be honest with me.

i'm not going to wait for you.
despite the fact i think youre completely worth it.

i'll be your friend.
because i rather have you around then not around.

i love you.
i know it hasnt even been 24hours, but i'm a lovemonster.
we just know these things.

i morn tonight.
and tomorrow i move forward.

love
love
love

and ;;;;;;i'm not dr;unk. i'm fine.
love
love
lveo
you
love
monseter
cleo sauraus rex
L)

G&T

2007-12-24T20:11:00.000-08:00

so, tonight over gin and tonics and bourbons and cokes i fall in love
yes, deeply in love with a man.

a muse, a musical man who composes heart feeling intensely dramatic drunken beautiful music for independent films and all you indie kids out there.

tonight i fall in love.
i trust him and his insainity.
his drunken banter is pure genius.

tonight i fall in love with a man who is deeply involved.
his partner is ever so sweet, attractive, intelligent, motivated, and probably even funny.

what do i do with this love?
it would never work out as strictly platonic.
i see him and i want to tear off his close after ever transcendental word he utters.

tonight i met my future partner.
god that was so gay.

i want to live in the french countryside with you on a vineyard type of love.
i want to know you in other lives type of love.
i want to hear you play to me early in the morning type of love.
i want to have intensely wild loud and long sessions of sex with you type of love.

your music sends chills up my spine down my arms and through my aorta pumping veins throughout my body.

lets run away together.
right now.
it's happening.
we've left and are together.
20 years have past and we laugh that no one has found us yet.

okay.

enough.

that was rant.
it's all true.
and i'll stop now.

love
klm

Coming Clean

2007-12-12T02:09:00.000-08:00

I would like to start off this blog by saying sorry to all the beautiful nj and nyc lovemonsters i didn't get to see during my visit to the brutally cold east coast (yes it's true i've came and gone.)

It was really hard being on the east coast.
I had a little amount of time.
No transportation.
Became terribly sick.
Suffered from serious indigestion.
And I got tons of slack from the people I did see because I only saw them for like 5 mins (an exaggeration but you get it, right?)

So, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry a million times. I love you all so very much.

Now that that's out the way I can catch everyone up on my life in socal :)

A lot has been happening and I know long blogs are so boring so, i'll do quick bullet points of my crazy existence.

-Finals are over and I'm done with my first semester of Traditional Chinese Medicine School :)
-I became jealous for the first time in a long time over a boy. That didn't feel to good, but it help me realize that as a lovemonster i need to give other people room to explore their lovemonsterness (and i guess i've always known that it just escaped me for a bit.)
-I refuse to take shit from people who are having a bad day/life (especially at work.) I'll show everyone love, but I refuse to let people walk all over me. So, feel your pain and get over it :) love.
-I've been receiving mad love from the cool cats here in socal. thank you to everyone for making my transition into becoming Californian easier.
-I'm taking my art in new directions ;) Details to come.
-I'm working on my latest zine, but have recently decided to change directions with it. I realize that because I have a queer body and I do everything from love my zine will naturally be queer and loving :) So, F structure and order. This next zine is going to be super queer and fun.
-I'm super stoked to dog sit during break
-I'm super stoked to see my best friend during break
-and i've yet to establish any real new years planes and i'm okay with that

Okay,
if you've made it this far thank you.
i'll stop now.

love
love
love

klm

Overwhelmed in December, not really

2007-12-02T22:06:00.000-08:00

Adapting in this foreign land of socal has been an experience.

Six Months have gone by and i find myself slowly assimilating into san diego culture.

i move slower.
consume more.
have cold aversions.
and respond surprisingly well to stress.

things i love:
socal lovemonsters
partying in socal
getting dressed in vintage clothing
east asian medicine
making art
socal boys
the sun

in this land of beauty, sun, and consumption there is also disharmony.

things that sadden me:
the number of homeless people in socal
the consumption
my addiction to consumption
being away from my family
fickle socal boys
over cast days

as i sit in a beautiful cafe sipping on my 4 dollar soy mocha latte typing away on my white mac surrounded with east asian books sitting on a comfortable chair in my vintage clothing i reflect on how i became this.

i'm still a lovemonster.
i'm still an artist.
i still search for community and love.

i started to settle into my apartment, despite the fact i will probably move out of it in six months. i decided to live in it as though i will be there for an extended period of time.

i started to fall out of love with some people and decided thats okay.

i started to trust my opinion more.

overwhelmed in december, not really

love
klm

thoughts on the east coast

2007-11-25T12:33:00.000-08:00

east coast = love

thank you to all the fine lovemonsters on the each coast for making my stay here so pleasant.

love
love
love

2007-11-19T08:28:00.000-08:00

kellylovemonster, lovefaces, november 2007

Liberation, LoveCanvas, November 2007

So...

2007-11-16T01:42:00.000-08:00

i was wondering how we can transition from being friends that chill and stuff ;) to lovers.

i know that sounds intense but i like you. and i'm pretty sure you like me, so naturally we should
be lovers, right? I mean right.

is it to soon to tell you i love you? i mean i know i love you. and you told me tonight that you love me.
but do you love me like i love you? like a lover loves another lover.

are you weirded out that i wrote a blog about you? i couldnt help it, your beautiful. i even wrote you a poem. okay i didnt really write you a poem, but i thought about it :)

for now i'll just make you a mixed tape. i'll put songs about lovers in love in between songs about lovers who have been hurt by love.

it's late i should go to bed. i've already divulged to much information.

NJ

2007-11-08T08:54:00.000-08:00

so i return to the glorious east coast in exactly 13 days.
i'm super stoked to go home and see nj lovemonsters.

i'm trying not to have any expectations for my return home,
but my mind keeps going there.

Who will i see?
Will nj be the same?
Am i the same?

at this point only time will tell.

things i want to do while in nj:

1. see a screaming female show
2. eat copious slices of pizza
3. go to brooklyn
4. hang out in the george street coop
5. visit mccormicks
6. make dinner for lovemonsters
7. art with lovemonsters
8. make love ;)
9. dance!!!
10. love some more.

so all you crazy kids who are down with all or any of those things get ready because here i come.

love
love
you loves

Witch Fires

2007-10-24T11:26:00.000-07:00

Thank you everyone for your love.
I've yet to be directly effected by the current fires that are destroying several socal homes, businesses, etc.

It's strange. I'm currently looking out my bedroom window staring at the palm trees outside and it looks like another beautiful day in San Diego, but I know thats not true.

I'm really fortunate that the area where I live hasn't been effected. In fact, we have one of the evacuation sites close by to the apartment. So, that gives me the impression that where I am is safe. Perhaps this is a false sense of safety.

School has been canceled for the rest of the week.
Natalia is supposed to be arriving in San Diego this evening.

I'm living in this weird paradox a calm within chaos.

So, I'm going to study, have lunch, write a paper, clean the aptartment some more, and await Natalia's arrival.

I love you all and if I do get evacuated my ass is going to Mexico. Word.

Love.

Brooklyn

2007-10-14T00:18:00.000-07:00

sometimes i fantasize about what life would be like in brooklyn.

socal is cool and all, but brooklyn kids are the craziest.

socal boys

2007-09-29T00:55:00.000-07:00

as life in socal continues,

i'm coming across these really beautiful queer men. now, the thing is several of these men do not know there queer.

1. just because you are a man who sleeps with men doesnt qualify for a queer license

a queer identity is complex in that it is a blend of an individuals sexuality, gender expression, and a slue of other categorical things I can ramble on and on about.

2. why is this all important to this blog entry

i'm not to sure. all i know is in one night i fell in love two separate times.

once was with a boy who probably isnt old enough to drink, but has the maturity of a being who has lived a couple hundred lives.
and two was with a boy who was almost ten years my senior but living an artistic modest life in a very queer situation.

why do you care? why should you care?

you shouldnt really

all i want to say really is san diego boys are pretty god damn fly.

love.

the first day of fall

2007-09-23T22:41:00.000-07:00

felt wonderful.

technology

2007-09-18T10:59:00.000-07:00

is so beyond me.
i recently acquired a external hard drive and a wireless router that were so supposed to be fool proof to install.

leave it up to me to be the exceptional fool to the rule.

Needless to say all my music might be lost forever.

Possessions things.
I want less things.

That's paradoxical kind of right.

to want less. wanting is self is quantitatively more, no.

anyway, to make matters more frustrating the mail man gave me a hard time today.
yeah, i know ridiculous.
he refuse to believe my name was kelly.
i offered him id then realized that showing him id would be giving into his prejudices.

so, i took back my offering.
i should include this meeting was taking place outside downstairs by my mailbox.

so, i asked him what he would have done if i never intercepted him. he replied he would have brought the package to my apt. and left it with "kelly" or kelly's roommate.

so, i welcomed him to do just that, and went upstairs to my apt.
upon his arrival i opened my door took my package and slammed the door in his face.

i actually didnt slam the door in his face. but i really wanted to.

love

the vitamins i'm taking

2007-09-12T21:44:00.000-07:00

are giving me energy.

it's actually quite strange.

none of this changes the fact that i have to be at sbux at 415am.
i know.
but this is my last week.

i cant wait to be rid of this job. yes, it was good to me for the last two years, but i'm so over it.

to make my day even more interesting i scheduled myself to work my new job immediately after i get off of my sbux shift. i guess i'm wonder woman or something. not. i'm crazy. i'm so going to regret it around hour 14.

school is overwhelmingly crazy, but beautiful.
i'm enjoying the things i'm studying and i actually stay awake in class.
so, new, difficult and enriching.

i have a knot in my back. it sucks. i would have had my acupuncturist release it on friday, but i had to reschedule that appointment. work conflict. so, i have to take matters into my own hands and stretch this baby out myself.

other than that, my life is quite mundane.
you know the every day things.
making art, riding bikes, going to the beach, etc.

god, i love california.

love.

FW:

2007-09-06T13:50:00.001-07:00

ant mania

2007-09-05T00:06:00.000-07:00

the ants are back with avengance.
but dont fear thanks to alexis's knowledge of tea tree
the ants are wet and dead along the walls.
the kitchen smells like tea tree.
i like how tea tree smells
but i dont want to have to kill the ants
just dont chill in my apartment
go somewhere else
like
a dumpster

ranting and raving

2007-09-03T22:32:00.001-07:00

so,
this blog is going to be about privilege and if you find yourself becoming upset with the things i write, you probably belong in that said privilege group and should exam your privilege.

i've belong to the world of myspace for almost two years now.
i find it interesting that the queer people i know leave their orientation blank.

understandably, tom has yet to realize their is more beyond the binary of gay/ straight.
(and for all of you who are thinking what about bisexual, i will say this. bisexuality still operates in a binary system. the prefix bi itself implies two.)

anyway, i have also noticed that tons of heterosexuals i know (some i love dearly) proclaim their orientation on myspace. (some of you are thinking so. what is there really to be frustrated about? why is this worth even mentioning?)

the majority of my friends are white.
myspace also has a ethnicity box and the majority of my white friends on myspace leave their ethnicity boxes blank.

i mean i get it. you just have to look at their photos and youre like yeah he/she is white. it's obvious.
why proclaim caucasian?

why proclaim heterosexuality?

now your thinking kelly you've gone off your rockers. orientation and ethnicity are two different things.

that they are, but they both work under a privileged based system.

being white and heterosexual is to be privileged (sorry kids if i'm ruining your day, but it's true)

it's really hard to look at someone's photo and undoubtedly proclaim, "wow, he/she is a huge fag!"
as much as you would like to think your gaydar is the bomb diggity there is no set/ constant aesthetic for identifying us queers.

(i thought i keep this next part in a vernacular we all could grasp)
to be queer is to be marginalized.

to be marginalized doesnt feel good.

so, this has all led me to theorize that the kids on myspace who think it is important to declare their sexuality, but not their ethnicity (esp. when their sexuality and their ethnicity is one of privilege) reassert their sexuality so they are not mistaken as queer and thus marginalized (and ostracized) by the culture at large.

now kids, i'm sure you can find me (what you believe to be countless) examples that put a wrench (un-doubtingly proving wrong) in my theory.

i can't do all the work for you. but this time i will (dont get use to this shit)

theory:
Main Entry:
Pronunciation: 'thE-&-rE, 'thir-E
Function: noun
Inflected Form(s): plural -ries
Etymology: Late Latin theoria, from Greek theOria, from theOrein
1 : the analysis of a set of facts in their relation to one another
2 : abstract thought : speculation
3 : the general or abstract principles of a body of fact, a science, or an art theory>
4 a : a belief, policy, or procedure proposed or followed as the basis of action theory that all children want to learn> b : an ideal or hypothetical set of facts, principles, or circumstances -- often used in the phrase in theory theory, we have always advocated freedom for all>
5 : a plausible or scientifically acceptable general principle or body of principles offered to explain phenomena theory of light>
6 a : a hypothesis assumed for the sake of argument or investigation b : an unproved assumption : conjecture c : a body of theorems presenting a concise systematic view of a subject <theory of equations>
synonym see hypothesis

So,
this goes out to you especially if you are a white heterosexual male (yeah, this is also about the patriarchy)

and you notice that your ethnicity is blank on your myspace profile,
but your sexuality proclaims heterosexuality (the default sexuality in our western american culture)
ask yourself why is that.

is it purely aesthetic?
are you hesitant to be seen as other?
do you recognize your own individual queerness but hide under the privilege of heterosexuality?

listen kids i'm the first one to tell you your sexual orientation does not have to match the way you behave.

fuck dudes
kiss dudes
fuck grrrls
kiss grrrls
and all the other beautiful genders i've left out because this blog entry is already becoming to long.

heterosexuality has a long history of privilege and oppression and for the revolution to truly take off we need to begin to dismantle the privilege and oppression associated with the heterosexual culture.

that is all for now.

love.

i've fully accepted

2007-09-02T18:50:00.000-07:00

the fact that i'm crazy.

security clearly means little to me.
i'd rather be happy.

i quit starbucks. after two years and two months i'm done.
i've decided to go to school full time.
and i'm going to work at a vintage clothing shop.

life = good

me = happy

love

Healing Vibrations

2007-08-29T23:20:00.000-07:00

sometimes i feel like this is all a funny joke and the ultimate energy (ultimate energy doesnt evoke feelings and images of a white heterosexual hippyesque man aka "god") is leading me in one direction and one direction only. I mean, I take different paths, but I still come to the same place.

today more than ever before I felt like I was truly destined to become a healer. to make a long story short i will be attending Pacific College of Oriental Medicine and receiving a Masters in Chinese and Oriental Medicine. pretty rad, no.

my parents are not surprisingly freakishly happy for me and ubberly supportive.

tuesday is the first day of classes. i'm taking 17.5 units and none of that will have to be biology or biochemistry because Rutgers will be transferring over those credits. thank you. instead, i have filled in those credit spots with therapeutic massage classes. i know what youre thinking, "i cant wait for kelly to do some work on me." i would love to, naturally.

my course load looks like this
herbology
circulatory massage
introduction to chinese medicine
a fundamentals class
tai chi
a two other classes that escape me right now

the program is very cool, if i do say so myself.
i will be observing needling work (acupuncture) the beginning of next semester.
i'm really looking forward to learning how to become a holistic healer.

where does this all leave my art?
good question.
i'm not sure. i have full intention to continue to do performance art (dancing, writing zines, participating in anarchist activities) but i'm sure learning oriental medicine will start to change what my art looks like.

i look forward to it.

as for right now, i'm flippin exhausted.
an hour and a half class of kat's african dance class today. killed me.
my biceps ach and my abdomens feel like they want to cave in.

i love a good work out.

Half Nelson (Watch It)

2007-08-28T17:57:00.000-07:00

So,

I'm sitting in my purple american apparel underwear (the one with all the paint all over it) and i'm thinking about dialectics.

I'm changing (how trite of me to write)

I'm becoming less afraid (trite too) and I want to establish myself as an artist and healer.

I was sitting in my living room last night (which still remains partially unfurnished) stapling together copies of my zine. I had copies all around me. A sea of queer pink pamphlets that hold my politics and art. And I decided there that I truly am crazy.

I traveled across this country simply on a feeling. I felt it was the right thing to do (trite?) As my days pass by I find myself doing more things that make me happy. Also, a queer concept.

Being queer is becoming so passe.
I will continue to identify as queer because language has yet to catch up to what it is that I really am.
But, I refuse to continue to behave queerly. Instead I will behave like the eccentric polyamorous artist/ healer/ dancer/ fashionista/ hipster that I feel to truly be.

I will ride my yellow bike and continue to think about dialectics.

I will smile at passing people.
I will enjoy the rest of today.
And I will continue to change.
See the thing is youre changing too.

2007-08-25T21:43:00.000-07:00

Life isn't bad when your biggest problem is whether to wear your heels or your flats.

I'll go with the heels.

what a long saturday

2007-08-19T11:44:00.000-07:00

Saturday August 18

This morning I awoke determined to make it to Black's Beach- for those of you who are non San Diegans , Black's is the queer nude beach in San Diego. It's kind of elusive. I mean, finding directions to this place was kind of difficult. I've attempted a couple of times to go to Black's and have been quite unsuccessful- Anyway, I wanted to spend the day in the sun and not be restricted by any clothing (including my small orange swimming trunks.) Lovelady and I headed out around 1230p. We headed down the 5 blaring the screaming females. Thank you lovemonsteralexis because your directions were the bomb diggity.

We arrived at the glider port and had to hike almost 20 minutes down a cliff to make it to Black's. We were welcomed with beautiful clear water and naked men and women. We hurried to find a spot on the beach and immediately stripped off all our clothes. I was impressed and surprised by my lack of apprehension to be nude in front of all these strangers. I guess when in Rome do like the French.

And what a beautiful day in the sun :)

After about a 4hour day at black's lovelady and I decided to make the 20 min hike back up this monstrous cliff. We were invited to "The Center" to attend a transgendered meeting at 530p. After a quick trip back down the 5 blasting the end of the screaming females cd and the beginning of the blows cd we made it home in time to quickly eat left overs and make it to the center 10 minutes late.

The meeting was amazing. It was so nice to be around individuals who transcended queerness. I met and talked to at length a couple who both identified as transgendered and modified their bodies to look closer to their inner selves. The transwoman identified as lesbian and the transmale identified as gay but they were in what I perceived to be a heterosexual relationship. Wow! What a trip. I loved every second of this beautiful interaction.

This amazing interaction coupled with this great book I'm reading Pomosexuals (post modern homosexuals) made me increasingly aware of how my own personal identity is changing and developing. I am moving in a direction were my identity
1. does not have to match the way I behave
2. is pure love
3. seeks to meet souls and energies that I am attracted to

Needless to say, it was a good evening. After the meeting lovelady and I went to a art reception at Cream (the cafe in university heights.) It was cool until I was ignored by a boy that I thought I had recently worked out the kinks of our relationship. I mean, I guess I can empathized with why he ignored me.

he was with his boyfriend.
i'm complicated.
he was with his boyfriend.

so, my night resolved with lovelady and I walking around town blissfully high talking about vanity.

lovemonster

2007-08-13T20:17:00.000-07:00

this is how i roll

2007-08-12T12:09:00.001-07:00

untititled

2007-08-11T01:51:00.000-07:00

current mood: unsettled

if it makes you feel good then embrace it.
san diego makes me feel good. so, i embrace it.

drama makes me feel bad so, i'll replace it with things that make me feel good.

i stretched in the park today. that felt good.
i sat around a fire listening to live drumming and eating vegan goodness. that made me feel really good too.

i spent the bulk of my day with a new friend.
he is beautiful. his energy is unreal (some serious positive vibrations)
he makes me feel good

i'm left unsettled because there was a shift in energy tonight
i know it's natural
every ying needs a yang
but...

i refuse to participate in juvenile displays of affection.
don't hit me because you like me.
(that didnt really happen)

show me love
and send me positive energy

anyway...

i'm tired and this entry is not being articulated very well.
goodnight

Marigold

2007-08-10T10:26:00.000-07:00

I got my bike
I got my bike
she is beautiful
yellow in fact
like the sun
i think i will name her marigold ;)
I got my bike
I got my bike

Healing Vibrations

2007-08-10T02:04:00.000-07:00

i've had the two most beautiful days of my life.
days filled with tons of healing vibrations and love.

laughing meditations
yoga
assisted stretching
dinners
drum circles
the beach
lovemonsters

i'm opening myself more (can you believe it) and letting myself flow in the breeze of san diego
it's taking me to places i never dreamt of going.

i felt love today.
heart pulsing love.
palm sweating
knee shaking love.
it felt wonderful.

it all is happening so fast, but thats the way of the universe.
you manifest your desires.
i desire love and lovemonsters and community
and it's building before my eyes.

i wanted to kiss you tonight.
but it would have been to soon.

lovelovelove

Little Donkey

2007-08-07T13:50:00.000-07:00

I hope those of you who have received a copy of my zine are enjoying it.
If not...
i think it could serve as a wonderful door jam.

so i'm living in san diego.
and i'm meeting people.
and i'm flirting withall these cute boys.
and i meet this beautiful woman.

yeah! i said woman.

she's absolutely wonderful.

she speaks in terms of energy
she believes in fluidity
and she is a lovemonster

i'm not going to lie, i feel conflicted
i've spent a long time queering my body
and i know being with a woman would never take away from my queerness
but...

i've read to many Shakespearian plays where male "fraternity" or better male love resolves in heterosexuality.

that latter resolution is one of submission and conformity

i love the essence of individuals
i think this woman has a beautiful essence

i'm only conflicted by the exterior body
and what it represents in a western white misogynistic heterosexual culture

that being said...
i shaved my facial hair.

my face is bare.

i guess i'm trying to have my interior essence be more congruent with my exterior aesthetic being.
or something like that...

Things that I'm over:

2007-08-03T00:44:00.000-07:00

I'm over working till 12 am
I'm over working myself till i'm exhausted
I'm over not being able to hang out with lovelady
I'm over obnoxious, over caffeinated, pretentious, snobs
I'm over compromising my health and personal moral ethics
I'm over my pay check not reflecting the work and time I've been putting in
And last but not least

I'M OVER THE BUCKS

Clarity in the Morning

2007-07-30T07:53:00.000-07:00

I am on my journey to becoming a healer :)

I'm learning how to be a time terrorist (thank you lauren)

I'm learning to be patient because clarity will come (in my case early in the morning)

I'm taking my dietary habits to another level (veganism)

Clarity comes to those who are patient.

Clarity comes to those who are compassionate.

Clarity comes to those who are continuously empathetic to their environment/ community.

Angie shared a moment with me and it changed me. 13 minutes and I was another person.
One scoop of vegan coconut ice cream and I was a new. Thank you Angie.

LoveLady shaved her head :) She is changed. And has changed me.

Marci pierced her body thus queering herself. She is changed. And I am changed.

EricLady just got off a plane from England. He is learning not to be afraid again. He is changed.

And I am changed.

Thank you.

a love to hide

2007-07-26T23:58:00.000-07:00

Tonight I watched another film about being queer during WWII entitled a love to hide.

As queer beings we must not take for granted the years of activism, the blood fallen, and the tears cried by our queer ancestors. Our queer history is very rich with great stories of love, success, and light, but it is too filled with violence, fear, and intolerance.

I'm not scared.

I recently read in a queer magazine that we should live every day out and proud. And the magazine went on to ask how do you live out and proud. At first, i thought how cheesy, but now i understand the message behind the cliche. If queer beings are to ever reach the point of acceptance we must be visible. We have to be in supermarkets, we have to be in classrooms, we have to be at bus stops, we have to be in california and illinois and michigan and etc.

I refuse to pass.

I have a queer body because my spirit is queer. I want people to see my body and recognize it is a queer entity attached to a vibratant queer spirit.

my sexuality (who i want to fuck) is the least of the worlds problems. my gender (which is outside the the realm of the binary gendered system we all know and have come to love, not!) will never fit into a nice neat niche for everyone to gawk at and understand.

let's embrace the complexity of being queer. let's embrace living in a world with unique beings. let's be compassionate. let's celebrate compassion. let's embrace our world with endless empathy.

okay, no more preaching from my end.

i love being queer. i embrace it whole heartedly. my queerness truly makes me unique, while uniting me with all other queer beings. that's beautiful.

listen, if you love drama (you know like baby mama type drama) and gay things (like men kissing) you should put a love to hide on your netflix queue. that's all i'm trying to say.

love.

an apology

2007-07-25T10:29:00.000-07:00

i want to apology to the people that i've hurt.

i understand the way that i love is different from most.
and the way i choose to live is different.

i live my life unapologetically because i feel the world has been insensitive to me and most other queer non white bodies.

i want to embody complete compassion and true empathy.
that means realizing the world and its beings are going to be insensitive to me.

i love because it makes me happy.
compassion and empathy for others = happiness for me

i can only do my part.
exist in the most beautiful way i can.

sorry to those who are and were hurt in my journey of self discovery

my intentions were and will never be malicious

love

a public service announcement

2007-07-23T01:05:00.000-07:00

"...i have been thinking a lot today about the need to possess. how do we love each other? is it a matter of remembering or a matter of forgetting?

i feel as if i have scraped my skin off the jambs of tight doors, sloughed off husks of selves and missed them so quickly, the way it feels to leave a body of water and feel the air -- in and out of light and dense fluids, amniotic and baptismal, metaphors and blah blah blah -- until i feel pinkish and naked as a fresh born runt who longs for the womb.

reversion, then.

so how do we remember each other without clamping down hard on a fragile thing. squeeze a bird and impale your hand on its ribcage. squeeze a plum and scratch your hand's lifeline wrinkle on the meaty seed. we are resilient and fleshy and bruised now. love is a matter of memory, and memory is a matter of pain mostly. still, i love. i'm letting go. letting things balance precarious on the palm, pressured only by gravity, which is its own battle, and the same force that pulls the hand down and away. still, no collapse between each other, no vise."

danny coeyman

untitled

2007-07-23T00:24:00.000-07:00

scene: my apt. 1230am pacific time 330am eastern, sitting in a chair in the dark typing

i'm all about effective communication, but i'm starting to loose sight of what that really means

for example:
are you effectively communicating with someone who you make feel extremely uncomfortable?
are you effectively communicating if you leave little room for a response?
can you effectively communicate with someone without saying anything?

rhetorical questions of course

things i'm currently pondering.
not bad not good just annoying.

i'm really enjoying the people i've met in san diego. they remind me that you can be fabulous and conscious.

i wish nat was here. she would really enjoy california. she has a californian spirit (truly compassionate, layed back, and thoughtful.) it's weird because i've never questioned our friendship. i just know it's real. she's pretty fabulous and very conscious. i also, feel we can effectively communicate with one another.

ldub called me tonight and confirmed all my feelings and opinions on nat. it's weird how that stuff happens. i was thinking of her and receive a phone call from a friend actually in california confirming my feelings.

feelings are complicated because they are so personal

i dont think people empathize enough
i need that empathy gun from the movie "a hitchhiker"s guide to the galaxy." an empathy gun. the thought of that humors me. something as violent and forceful as a gun to tap into an emotion space that would really access effective communication among us beings to promote peace and love.

but the empathy gun has to be small enough to fit into my tote. cute, practical, and functional. that's to perfect :)

oh, and what exactly is the rule to calling someone you just met? i mean, how many days i'm i really suppose to wait?

that isnt a rhetorical question.
i really want to know.

love.

SanDiegoPride

2007-07-22T10:18:00.000-07:00

So...
where should I begin.
i've had a hella long weekend.

friday night
@ bar with carpeted walls downtown
tam :)
ignorant drunken folks :(
noell :)
baha betties
grabby men :(
pass out some zines

@ the boathouse banga
queer hipster men everywhere :)
music was pretty fly
alcohol was flowing
hips were thrusting

saturday
hungover
parade :)
burritos
drinking
drinking
drinking
gone
festival was hot (in that gay way)
hung out with some porn stars (no i really hung out with porn stars) crazy i know.
beautiful drag queens
drinking
drinking
sexy black dready healer from austin ;)
fashion blog photos
french fries
slumber party :)

Needless to say, I had an awesome time.
love

Zero

2007-07-18T21:41:00.000-07:00

Wednesday 18

As I sit in my apt. soaking in the silence, I smile.

tonight i finished my zine. i'm taking it to the printers (kinkos) tomorrow.

what a beautiful hump day :)

The completion of this body of work is so satisfying it makes the fact of my cell phone spazing out on me yet again not so bad.

When will you get your copies you ask.
As soon as I acquire all your addresses.

Okay, my jameson is starting to go to my head.
yes, i'm drinking alone in my apt.
it's so wonderful :)

who knew being an artist would be so much fun.
okay, i'm not going to lie. i knew.

tomorrows goals
print zine
fix phone
work
eat
yoga

I think I can handle that day.

Let me not forget to mention that I am now the proud wearer of zero gauge silver single flared earrings. pretty snazzy right.

love.

LovemonsterBling

2007-07-16T23:19:00.000-07:00

so, today was an exciting day.

joe lovemonster is on day 3 of his west coast rode trip and stopped in good old san diego, ca.

he was a ray of light (not like madonna says, but like a lot of positive vibrations bring)

then laura and lisa lovemonster came over too!

i'm sitting in the midst of 3 nj based lovemonsters, well 5 counting lauren and myself, but she's kind of sleeping.

i woke up very early this morning (4am to be exact)
i went into work way early to help out. opener didnt show :(

i've been eating tones of carbs all day because i was so tired and trying to keep going- fueling.

but it all caught up to me and i conked out.

i'm wide awake now and i'm probably going to run a couple of errands (like laundry and stuff now)

i'm making new friends at work.
i met a very wonderful artist/ lovemonster. Her name is Tam and she's sooooo funny. like funny enough that she has me on the floor in laughter cramps funny :)

we're going to hang out this week, so that's something to look forward to.

this week is pride in san diego. an estimated 150 000 people will be at the event.
that is a crazy number :)

i also have my first california house party to go to this friday.
things are moving fast.
i wonder what i'll wear?

OHh!

and the best news of all.
lovemonster lady loves sold their first version of their jewelry line lovemonster bling.
it will be selling in a cute environmentally conscious store in university heights, san diego.
if your in town you can check it out. then check me out!

love

New Post

2007-07-14T23:39:00.001-07:00

Is now an Old Post.

beers.

lesbians with sex toys.

fickle gay boys.

ugly.

tired.

must sleep.

life will be better in the morning.

Untitiled 13

2007-07-14T00:33:00.000-07:00

Friday 13th

went to the beach and hung out with lovemonsters.

i missed people.

i embraced california.

then i watched the sunset (no green flash)

i miss...

i had a great coversation on the beach about
unconditional love
armpit hair
and nudity

i strive to love unconditionally
especially those with armpit hair and those who love to get naked

i ate mac, spinach, and veggie burger medley.
it was good.

i talked online for about an hour an a half with a boy i had lost
but found

i forgot to put up my away message
it said i was available, but i was looking for an eco friendly yoga mat

no mat
found friend

i wrote an email.

i must sleep.

love.

Who knew being domestic could be so much fun?

2007-07-10T11:22:00.000-07:00

Tuesday July 10

:)
Yesterday I started work at the Hillcrest Starbucks. Long story short, I didnt have to wait the month or two to transfer from OB to Hillcrest; it happened in a matter of a morning.

Work was wonderful and meditative. It was nice to be around familar objects and a familar scheme in a foreign place. My coworkers were uberly friendly and very chill. I'm happy.

Sunday was an awesome day. Lovelady and I went to Balboa Park (San Diego's equivalent of Central Park) in search of a drum circle. Another long story shorten, we met a wonderful lady dancer artists healer love being at Cream (the cafe with the free wifi) and she gave us the skinny on anything dance and drum realted in San Diego. One of the events she told us about was an all afternoon drum circle in Balboa Park.

Now when we entered the park in search of this drum circle I was already comfortable with the idea of never coming across the drum circle. I mean, Balboa Park is huge. The directions we had were vague but surprisingly accruate. You know, the type of directions that kind of go take a left at the third shrub you see that is about 3 feet hight make a right then walk away from the sun kind of directions.

"Welcome home."
This is how we were greeted in entering the space. It felt warm and again so familar. We ate fresh fruit, listen to jambas and danced until sunset.

Back to last night though... lovelady made me dinner! It was so amazing.

Veggie Burgers
Fresh Salad with yellow peppers and avocados
and Sweet Potatoes
We washed it all down with two buck chuck from trader joes

we listened to erykah badu while we drank and ate and
laughed about how domestic our entire situation was

i'm really in love with this lady.

To add to all this good energy. I recently recieved mail. I love mail.
I recieved a card and a car airfreshner from my father welcoming me to San Diego :)
and a beautiful nyc postcard from gen welcoming lovelady and I to San Diego :)

Such positive vibrations.

Peaceful Revolution.

Love.

Imagination.

Thank you Thank you Thank you.

Day 10

2007-07-07T14:02:00.001-07:00

I've been living in San Diego for a little over one week now :)

I'm not going to lie in the very beginning the days here were forever long, and now they move along with a rhthym that feels more natural to me.

I finally got a transfer. I'm working @ the OB (ocean beach) starbucks. I'm going to only be there temporarily. I'm looking to be transfered to a Starbucks in Hillcrest. Hillcrest is a queer neighborhood and it's a lot closer to my house then Ocean Beach.

I mean, OB is like a 15 minute drive. And Hillcrest is a 15 minute bike ride.
So, there both close. I just want to get off that petroleum.

I'm still looking for other work.

I went out on Thursday. It was my first real night out on the town. I went to a tattoo party at this bar called the casbah. It was nice to be out again. The people were beautiful of course and tatted up. There was a raffle for a free tattoo. I unfortunately lost. So, I got drunk instead. Jack on the rocks!

This awesome dance rock awesomeness band played call the view masters. Lovelady and i rocked out so hard to their music. During their last song the two vocalist jumped into the audience and danced with us. It was pretty sweet.

There's a lot of music in San Diego. You just have to look for it. Kind of like New Brunswick.

Bike. I'm trying to get a used bike so bad. This kid told me to go to the bike coop. He made it sound so easy. I googled bike coop san diego and a lot of nothing. I mean things come up, but not what i'm looking for exactly. It will come. Patience.

I need a refill on my tea. Love.

Bang! Flash! Marshmallows!

2007-07-05T13:55:00.000-07:00

Notes from the beach...

July 4

I'm sitting on ocean beach watching the sun set. This is my first west coast sunset. The sun is warm the ocean is cool and I have to pee. I havent felt this alive since... the Grand Canyon. I'm starting to feel like I live in San Diego.

Lovelady and I made some friends today. We even exchanged no.s and made a play date for tomorrow.

I'm really excited to see and hear fireworks. I havent celebrated independence day in a couple of years.

The soundtrack of my life is currently Cat Power, the song baby doll. I'm thinking about Kevin and if what we experienced in NJ was real. It was so fleeting. Can love be so fleeting?

I saw a mermaid on the beach today. She had blond hair and wore a torquois dress. She seemed lonely and sad. I wanted to run up to her and return to the water where she belonged, but I don't want to miss the fireworks.

I smoked on the beach today. It was beautiful. California is changing the way I exist. The way I create. I love being a self proclaimed artist. I don't need critiques to validate me. I don't need tanigble pieces to prove I exist. I'm enough. I'm so real.

A small child just approached me to show me the crab his dad found on the beach. The child was happy the crab was in a orange bucket. This was the same child that earlier recieved a handshake from a six foot four man with a five inch mohawk. I like this kid. He is real.

Lovelady just flashed her vagina to all of dog beach. I said, "...they didnt see your vagina. it was quick." She said, "vaginas are pretty recognizable." I said, "...not yours. it's pretty special."

End of notes...

BeerPong

2007-07-01T12:31:00.000-07:00

Sunday July 1

I found the ocean :)
The beaches in San Diego are beautiful. Lovelady and I went to Ocean Beach yesterday.
Imagine with me:
Beautiful and warm clear blue water
Sand for miles
Frat boys in a giant in ground sand pit with a table in the center built of sand playing beer pong (yes, you can drink on the beaches of san diego. Oh, and did I mention the beaches were free.)
Needless to say, it was wonderful.

After the beach we went to the only real big coop in San Diego, also located in Ocean Beach. Lovelady and I bought some groceries and met a very nice boy named Mike.

Mike was 17, tattoos everywhere, and jaded by his life experience in San Diego. Mike was moving out of town and headed north to Portland, Oregon. He described Portland as being a very vegan friendly place with an awesome punk rock scene. What more could a boy ask for :) I confirmed his description of Portland. Not that I’ve ever been, but Gregg LoveMonster lived in Portland for several years and his description of Portland was very similar to young Mike’s visions of the progressive west northern city.

Lovelady and I went home exhausted from all the sun and hungry as all hell.
Once we arrived at home our landlord, Marty, was running maintenance errands around the complex. Oh, to describe our apt. complex, we basically live in Melrose Place without the pool in the middle of the San Diego equivalent of Brooklyn without the brown stones.
Anyway, Marty was around. He lent lovelady a power drill and she went to work building her hot new bed. Unfortunately the bed squeaks and everytime she has sex I will know.

Marty is cool. He is so CA. Tanned tall and a very attractive older male.

Bikes are so in.
Bearded Boys on Bikes (my favorite) are very present :)

Okay, I have tons of errands to run.
LoveLoveLove.

What day of the week is it?

2007-06-29T18:52:00.000-07:00

:)

So, i'm in San Diego, Ca currently sitting in a cute local coffee house. I'm typing on my mac and laurenlovelady is sitting across from me typing on her mac. I feel like such a hipster right now.

Lovelady has been counting all the lesbians she's seen in the last half an hour.
Do you want to know how many?
Like 7 or something like that.
Anyway crazy. Lesbians were scarce in the bruns.

We are still trying to figure out where shit is.
San Diego = huge

Current Goals
Find the Beach
Find a Grocery Store
Find where all the hot hipsters and bearded boys on bikes hang
Find a new job
Join a yoga studio and get certified to be an instructor

Good Goals :)

Okay, another wonderful thing about San Diego is the weather.
I mean, it is currently 75 degress. Tomorrow it will be 72 degress the next day 74 degrees, and 70 something degress always. So good!

The Apt.
our place is so very adorable. two bedrooms, a full bathroom, beautiful kitchen (with two big sinks!), small dinning room, and a very decent size living room.
for being in san diego for like 27 hours we are doing really well in the furniture dept.
we already found the ikea and have acquired beds, a coffee table, and other cute things.
we also went to a thrift store and acquired a small nightstand and other cute objects.
art is already filling the walls :)
more art is already being made :)
positive energy is all around :)

The Zine
so excited ... wait lesbian couple (8,9) have just walked by.
anyway, the zine is coming along well!
dannyloveladylovemonster has already thought up some brillant illustration ideas and is working on manifesting them as we speak.
I forget if I revealed the title yet, so i'll tell you again it's called little donkey: a zine about sexuality, sex, and gender (i live this shit!)

okay wonderful wonderful love monsters. i must run. i have to run some errands.

i dont have the internet yet, so i dont know when we will meet again. i'm thinking i'll come back to the cafe tomorrow because really, what else do i have to do tomorrow besides go to the beach :)

lovelovelove

Estimated Time 6hrs

2007-06-28T08:31:00.000-07:00

So, lovelady and I had a change in plans.

LA is unfortunately not going to work out this time around. Lovelady and I are headed straight to San Diego :)

Being that we are arriving two days earlier then plan we will not have any electricity or internet when we arrive. That being said it might be some time before I write on this thing :(

We will be arriving in San Diego at approximately 5pm Pacific Standard Time of course. For all you east coast cats thats approximately 8pm.

Arizona is still hot.

I need out now!

San Diego and warm beautiful weather here I come.

ciao loves.

love. love. love.

ps

I hope everyone has been planning the vacations to california. I'm expecting tons of guest :)

The Grandest Canyon of them All

2007-06-27T18:56:00.000-07:00

So Awesome!

Today lovelady and I went to the Grandest Canyon of them All (that's right, you've guessed, the Grand Canyon.) So flippin beautiful.

I've never felt so microscopic before. It was a very humbling experience.

I havent been taking very many pictures on this trip, but today I realized that Kevin lovemonster gave me a roll of films one of our last days together in the bruns :) I popped that baby into my 35mm Nikon and snapped some very beautiful images of the Grande Canyon herself.

Arizona is still hot as hell.
Global warming for the people in Arizona sucks big time.

South Western cats = different
I mean, everyone is really friendly, but...
I can't put my finger on it. There's something really different about the people in the midwest and southwest.

Part of me feels that they are really content being where they are and doing what they are doing.
That's different. Being from the "coast" as everyone puts it out here. The people I surrounded myself with were movers. Everyone has such big plans.

See the world.
Change the world.
Be ridicuoulsy happy.

Okay, I also wanted to let the world know that I'm working on my first zine.
It's 80 % done.
It's called "Little Donkey: A Zine about Sexuality, Sex, and Gender"
It's going to be pretty cool, if i do say so myself.

I had my friend eric lovemonster design the cover,
And my east coast lover come up with some hot illustrations.

It should be out soonish.

I'll make sure everyone who wants one gets a copy.

Okay, I'm done writing in this thing for the day.

LovePeaceandPositiveVibrations

Did you know Arizona doesnt do daylight savings?

2007-06-26T22:49:00.000-07:00

Tuesday June 26

The longest day of my life!

I started today off in Texas. I woke up at 730a, showered, and then went to breakfast.

We left texas en route to New Mexico. The plan was to visit a reservation/ national park.
When we got to the New Mexico boarder we were pleased to learn that we were entering Mountain Time (thus gaining one full hour.)

We were really excited about that hour :)
New Mexico = Beautiful
The earth was red and the sky was the bluest I've ever seen with the most comfortable looking clouds.

We drove and drove and drove some more.
New Mexico is hot as fuck.

Once we arrived at El Malpais, we observed beautiful New Mexican landscapes.
The sun still beamed down hella hard on lovelady and I.

We got back in the car and drove some more.

The sun was overwhelming so we decided to call it an early day.
New Mexican = Super Expensive

Needless to say we didnt find affordable housing in New Mexico.
So we decided to drive to Arizona.

Once in Arizona, we drove to a the nearest town.
We found a reasonable inn and then realized that the time in our room was an hour off.

Arizona is in Mountain Time.
But, Arizona is one of the only states that doesnt observe daylight savings.
What the fuck?
Thats so random and bizarre.

Anyway, good day.
But so long.

I'm tired.