socal boys

as life in socal continues,

i'm coming across these really beautiful queer men. now, the thing is several of these men do not know there queer.

1. just because you are a man who sleeps with men doesnt qualify for a queer license

a queer identity is complex in that it is a blend of an individuals sexuality, gender expression, and a slue of other categorical things I can ramble on and on about.

2. why is this all important to this blog entry

i'm not to sure. all i know is in one night i fell in love two separate times.

once was with a boy who probably isnt old enough to drink, but has the maturity of a being who has lived a couple hundred lives.
and two was with a boy who was almost ten years my senior but living an artistic modest life in a very queer situation.

why do you care? why should you care?

you shouldnt really

all i want to say really is san diego boys are pretty god damn fly.

love.

the first day of fall

felt wonderful.

technology

is so beyond me.
i recently acquired a external hard drive and a wireless router that were so supposed to be fool proof to install.

leave it up to me to be the exceptional fool to the rule.

Needless to say all my music might be lost forever.

Possessions things.
I want less things.

That's paradoxical kind of right.

to want less. wanting is self is quantitatively more, no.

anyway, to make matters more frustrating the mail man gave me a hard time today.
yeah, i know ridiculous.
he refuse to believe my name was kelly.
i offered him id then realized that showing him id would be giving into his prejudices.

so, i took back my offering.
i should include this meeting was taking place outside downstairs by my mailbox.

so, i asked him what he would have done if i never intercepted him. he replied he would have brought the package to my apt. and left it with "kelly" or kelly's roommate.

so, i welcomed him to do just that, and went upstairs to my apt.
upon his arrival i opened my door took my package and slammed the door in his face.

i actually didnt slam the door in his face. but i really wanted to.

love

the vitamins i'm taking

are giving me energy.

it's actually quite strange.

none of this changes the fact that i have to be at sbux at 415am.
i know.
but this is my last week.

i cant wait to be rid of this job. yes, it was good to me for the last two years, but i'm so over it.

to make my day even more interesting i scheduled myself to work my new job immediately after i get off of my sbux shift. i guess i'm wonder woman or something. not. i'm crazy. i'm so going to regret it around hour 14.

school is overwhelmingly crazy, but beautiful.
i'm enjoying the things i'm studying and i actually stay awake in class.
so, new, difficult and enriching.

i have a knot in my back. it sucks. i would have had my acupuncturist release it on friday, but i had to reschedule that appointment. work conflict. so, i have to take matters into my own hands and stretch this baby out myself.

other than that, my life is quite mundane.
you know the every day things.
making art, riding bikes, going to the beach, etc.

god, i love california.

love.

FW:

ant mania

the ants are back with avengance.
but dont fear thanks to alexis's knowledge of tea tree
the ants are wet and dead along the walls.
the kitchen smells like tea tree.
i like how tea tree smells
but i dont want to have to kill the ants
just dont chill in my apartment
go somewhere else
like
a dumpster

ranting and raving

so,
this blog is going to be about privilege and if you find yourself becoming upset with the things i write, you probably belong in that said privilege group and should exam your privilege.

i've belong to the world of myspace for almost two years now.
i find it interesting that the queer people i know leave their orientation blank.

understandably, tom has yet to realize their is more beyond the binary of gay/ straight.
(and for all of you who are thinking what about bisexual, i will say this. bisexuality still operates in a binary system. the prefix bi itself implies two.)

anyway, i have also noticed that tons of heterosexuals i know (some i love dearly) proclaim their orientation on myspace. (some of you are thinking so. what is there really to be frustrated about? why is this worth even mentioning?)

the majority of my friends are white.
myspace also has a ethnicity box and the majority of my white friends on myspace leave their ethnicity boxes blank.

i mean i get it. you just have to look at their photos and youre like yeah he/she is white. it's obvious.
why proclaim caucasian?

why proclaim heterosexuality?

now your thinking kelly you've gone off your rockers. orientation and ethnicity are two different things.

that they are, but they both work under a privileged based system.

being white and heterosexual is to be privileged (sorry kids if i'm ruining your day, but it's true)

it's really hard to look at someone's photo and undoubtedly proclaim, "wow, he/she is a huge fag!"
as much as you would like to think your gaydar is the bomb diggity there is no set/ constant aesthetic for identifying us queers.

(i thought i keep this next part in a vernacular we all could grasp)
to be queer is to be marginalized.

to be marginalized doesnt feel good.

so, this has all led me to theorize that the kids on myspace who think it is important to declare their sexuality, but not their ethnicity (esp. when their sexuality and their ethnicity is one of privilege) reassert their sexuality so they are not mistaken as queer and thus marginalized (and ostracized) by the culture at large.

now kids, i'm sure you can find me (what you believe to be countless) examples that put a wrench (un-doubtingly proving wrong) in my theory.

i can't do all the work for you. but this time i will (dont get use to this shit)

theory:
Main Entry:
Pronunciation: 'thE-&-rE, 'thir-E
Function: noun
Inflected Form(s): plural -ries
Etymology: Late Latin theoria, from Greek theOria, from theOrein
1 : the analysis of a set of facts in their relation to one another
2 : abstract thought : speculation
3 : the general or abstract principles of a body of fact, a science, or an art theory>
4 a : a belief, policy, or procedure proposed or followed as the basis of action theory that all children want to learn> b : an ideal or hypothetical set of facts, principles, or circumstances -- often used in the phrase in theory theory, we have always advocated freedom for all>
5 : a plausible or scientifically acceptable general principle or body of principles offered to explain phenomena theory of light>
6 a : a hypothesis assumed for the sake of argument or investigation b : an unproved assumption : conjecture c : a body of theorems presenting a concise systematic view of a subject <theory of equations>
synonym see hypothesis



So,
this goes out to you especially if you are a white heterosexual male (yeah, this is also about the patriarchy)

and you notice that your ethnicity is blank on your myspace profile,
but your sexuality proclaims heterosexuality (the default sexuality in our western american culture)
ask yourself why is that.

is it purely aesthetic?
are you hesitant to be seen as other?
do you recognize your own individual queerness but hide under the privilege of heterosexuality?

listen kids i'm the first one to tell you your sexual orientation does not have to match the way you behave.

fuck dudes
kiss dudes
fuck grrrls
kiss grrrls
and all the other beautiful genders i've left out because this blog entry is already becoming to long.

heterosexuality has a long history of privilege and oppression and for the revolution to truly take off we need to begin to dismantle the privilege and oppression associated with the heterosexual culture.

that is all for now.

love.

i've fully accepted

the fact that i'm crazy.

security clearly means little to me.
i'd rather be happy.

i quit starbucks. after two years and two months i'm done.
i've decided to go to school full time.
and i'm going to work at a vintage clothing shop.

life = good

me = happy

love