conducting a queer? relationship 101

i'm sitting on my bed. thinking about you in relation to me as my neighbors fuck their brains out.

god damn she moans loud.
i moan loud.

you make these cute faces when we fuck.
it's like it's your first time every time we do it.

i can't help but moan. i mean your dick is huge!
i struggle everyday about how i should be in love with you.

i miss you when you are not around. so hetero, right?
but, i really do miss you.

i want to have that foursome. i think it would be really hot.
i want to watch you fuck. that's not hetero, right?

balancing out my feelings and making sure they remain queer is so hard.
i love you. i mean, it took me two months just to tell you that.
i was afraid you would be overwhelmed by that phrase and leave me.

okay, i didnt think you would leave me. I just thought you would be really turn off and our dynamic would be set back 3 months and we would be in the negatives because we had only been together for 2 months and i would have to blow you so many times just to get back in the positives.

i guess it's pretty queer of me to write about you.
or is it hetero?
isn't this what girls do when they're in love.
they tell all their girl friends he's the one.
and at the wedding reception my best man, Natalia of course, stands up and tells the story about how after our first date i called her and told her you were the one.
we all laugh, we intertwine our glasses in front of the wedding cake that has two men on top (so cute) and sip out of our champagne glasses. we smile for the photo-op starring into each others eyes. 1,2,3, say cheese. the light flashes and i want a divorce.

i think it's ridiculous that the only model i have to work with is the one that says you are the one. and if you are the one, i mean "the one" i wouldn't know it because i'm so fucked by indoctrinations of heterosexual love, which i clearly reject.

so how does when conduct a queer relationship?
isn't that clever how i tied in the title?

answer: i don't know

i like sleeping next to you.
i don't mind that you like having the fan on while we sleep because i know it brings you comfort. and that brings me comfort.
i don't even mind when you fart. and yes, i have counted the number of times you've farted in front of me. and i've counted the number of times you've said i love you. and i know where we went on our first date, the first time we had sex, the last time we had sex.

i also know that i can't wait to have that foursome. i love going out on dates with you and your roommate. i love watching you stare at other boys with desire. i love that we are not boyfriends. i love that i can tell you how i like to be fuck. i love when you talk about queer theory.

god damn she moans loud.