Monday, December 31, 2007

final thoughts on the year that is about to pass

yeah i mean it was good.

i live in southern california.
i have a beautiful roommate.
my best friends fly into town every other week.
i'm in graduate school.
i have a pretty rad job.
i made beautiful arting friends in socal.
i feel loved.
i am loved.
i'm a pornstar.

for these things i am greatful.

i love you lovemonsters of the world.
remember love is a revolution that will not be televised.
get out there and connect, art, love.

have a safe and healthy new year.


Thursday, December 27, 2007

G&T part deux

i happy to know that commitment means something to you.
because if we were together i would want you to be honest with me.

i'm not going to wait for you.
despite the fact i think youre completely worth it.

i'll be your friend.
because i rather have you around then not around.

i love you.
i know it hasnt even been 24hours, but i'm a lovemonster.
we just know these things.

i morn tonight.
and tomorrow i move forward.


and ;;;;;;i'm not dr;unk. i'm fine.
cleo sauraus rex

Monday, December 24, 2007


so, tonight over gin and tonics and bourbons and cokes i fall in love
yes, deeply in love with a man.

a muse, a musical man who composes heart feeling intensely dramatic drunken beautiful music for independent films and all you indie kids out there.

tonight i fall in love.
i trust him and his insainity.
his drunken banter is pure genius.

tonight i fall in love with a man who is deeply involved.
his partner is ever so sweet, attractive, intelligent, motivated, and probably even funny.

what do i do with this love?
it would never work out as strictly platonic.
i see him and i want to tear off his close after ever transcendental word he utters.

tonight i met my future partner.
god that was so gay.

i want to live in the french countryside with you on a vineyard type of love.
i want to know you in other lives type of love.
i want to hear you play to me early in the morning type of love.
i want to have intensely wild loud and long sessions of sex with you type of love.

your music sends chills up my spine down my arms and through my aorta pumping veins throughout my body.

lets run away together.
right now.
it's happening.
we've left and are together.
20 years have past and we laugh that no one has found us yet.



that was rant.
it's all true.
and i'll stop now.


Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Coming Clean

I would like to start off this blog by saying sorry to all the beautiful nj and nyc lovemonsters i didn't get to see during my visit to the brutally cold east coast (yes it's true i've came and gone.)

It was really hard being on the east coast.
I had a little amount of time.
No transportation.
Became terribly sick.
Suffered from serious indigestion.
And I got tons of slack from the people I did see because I only saw them for like 5 mins (an exaggeration but you get it, right?)

So, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry a million times. I love you all so very much.

Now that that's out the way I can catch everyone up on my life in socal :)

A lot has been happening and I know long blogs are so boring so, i'll do quick bullet points of my crazy existence.

-Finals are over and I'm done with my first semester of Traditional Chinese Medicine School :)
-I became jealous for the first time in a long time over a boy. That didn't feel to good, but it help me realize that as a lovemonster i need to give other people room to explore their lovemonsterness (and i guess i've always known that it just escaped me for a bit.)
-I refuse to take shit from people who are having a bad day/life (especially at work.) I'll show everyone love, but I refuse to let people walk all over me. So, feel your pain and get over it :) love.
-I've been receiving mad love from the cool cats here in socal. thank you to everyone for making my transition into becoming Californian easier.
-I'm taking my art in new directions ;) Details to come.
-I'm working on my latest zine, but have recently decided to change directions with it. I realize that because I have a queer body and I do everything from love my zine will naturally be queer and loving :) So, F structure and order. This next zine is going to be super queer and fun.
-I'm super stoked to dog sit during break
-I'm super stoked to see my best friend during break
-and i've yet to establish any real new years planes and i'm okay with that

if you've made it this far thank you.
i'll stop now.



Sunday, December 2, 2007

Overwhelmed in December, not really

Adapting in this foreign land of socal has been an experience.

Six Months have gone by and i find myself slowly assimilating into san diego culture.

i move slower.
consume more.
have cold aversions.
and respond surprisingly well to stress.

things i love:
socal lovemonsters
partying in socal
getting dressed in vintage clothing
east asian medicine
making art
socal boys
the sun

in this land of beauty, sun, and consumption there is also disharmony.

things that sadden me:
the number of homeless people in socal
the consumption
my addiction to consumption
being away from my family
fickle socal boys
over cast days

as i sit in a beautiful cafe sipping on my 4 dollar soy mocha latte typing away on my white mac surrounded with east asian books sitting on a comfortable chair in my vintage clothing i reflect on how i became this.

i'm still a lovemonster.
i'm still an artist.
i still search for community and love.

i started to settle into my apartment, despite the fact i will probably move out of it in six months. i decided to live in it as though i will be there for an extended period of time.

i started to fall out of love with some people and decided thats okay.

i started to trust my opinion more.

overwhelmed in december, not really