Tuesday, October 28, 2008

timing is everything

do you remember how we talked about me giving you a blow job in bed, then i immediately asked how your girlfriend was?

yeah, that was pretty funny.

you remind me of the boys i dated in my undergrad career.
dark mysterious and so very cute.

but dangerous.

i guess thats part of the the allure.
the danger of our relationship. or at least the perceived danger. because when i think about it its not really all that dangerous. just complicated.

i did tell myself i wasnt going to date another straight man.
but i shouldve known myself better. i love breaking the rules. esp. the ones i make up.

and last night you woke me up with a stiff dick pressed against my back arms wrapped around me tightly.

i thought it was super sexy how turned on you were. I thought it was super sexy how fast you came. But i really did think it was super sexy.

and in the morning when i left you still asleep in my bed i thought that was super sexy as well.

let's do laundry together soon and drink root beer floats.


Monday, October 13, 2008

i cant sleep once again

i had a really important conversation with alvina today :)
it was about passion.

as i proceed through my program i ask myself constantly, "are you passionate about TCM?"

my answer is always wordy and complicated but never simply yes.
morally, i guess this makes me a bad person.
i mean, someone else can be in my position who truly has a passion for this medicine.

but, thankfully my moralistic belief system isnt so self-deprecating.
TCM is more of a means to an end.

i have a bigger picture in mind :)
and i'm not going to lie its pretty fierce.

so what really is keeping me up?
i've been feeling lonely.

i know hard to believe.
i surround myself with some of the brightest and most beautiful people
this city has to offer and i feel lonely.

what this program is doing to me is consuming my time.
thus not allowing me to truly enjoy moments like a usually do.
thus leaving me feeling lonely. or at least in the presence of my towering stake of books.

i struggle with balance.
i find the only way i can be successful at this medicine is to submerge myself in it.
but i'm hydrophobic and prone to drowning.

i need help staying a float.
i need to be reminded that i'm missed.

it's hard to watch the world move forward seemingly without you.

i mean, i'm partially rational, understanding this is only temporary.
but i like the world have multiple truths and i am completely irrational.

i want to still feel present.
i want to still feel apart of the motion of everyday life.

i want to lay in bed with a boy.
in particular my partner.
but he's busy too right now

so, i'll go to bed alone.
or at least just lie there.

i ask i am self deprecating.


Saturday, October 4, 2008

the poltics of myspace

so, i know the politics of myspace arent suppose to count for anything, right?
it's not like anyone on myspace is real or anything (social commentary on the not so real sharings people share on myspace.)

but then why is it that knowing you deleted me all together from your myspace is driving me utterly insane.

i mean perhaps your computer got a virus and deleted your myspace.

or perhaps your dog ate your myspace.

or perhaps your girlfriend got so jealous she made you delete your myspace (or perhaps just me.)

well whatever it was, i really dont get.
i mean, i wish we ended on bad terms because then i could at least rationalize your logic, but when we last talk we were good (in fact, we were great.)

but perhaps i was being absolutely delusional about the state of our dynamic lovelady.

all i know is that today, as i was doing my usual rounds of myspace stalking i found your profile again.

not only did i find your profile, it look exactly the way it did last year when it surprisingly disappeared.

the only thing different was that i wasnt your friend anymore.

if you wanted to "break up" with me a simple phone call or an email or even a fucking myspace comment would have sufficed.

i sent you an email days ago.
still no reply.
i get it.
your done.
i'm done.
we are done.

and it doesnt work like that for me.
i just dont sever relationships.

relationships evolve.
even if that evolution means i see and talk less to you.

i guess what hurts the most is that i still love you.
even after a year of not hearing from you.

perhaps i'm being over dramatic.
perhaps i should just friend request you again.

sometimes i want to simply delete my profile and not have to worry about the
fickle world that is myspace.

but myspace is evolving into a language of its own.
its a space where we can all express our moods, thoughts, and desires.

so maybe i just need to send you a friend request.



Friday, October 3, 2008

I know I'm late on this but

god damn these boys are fine!


A duo like this is very rare.
I give luciyluca two giant thumbs up.

Their work is queer, thoughtful, and oh so sexy.
But dont take my word for it visit their site lovemonsters and
be prepared to be aroused :)